What a Wild Baby Chimp Taught Me About Raising Twin Toddlers
I'm currently lying flat on the rug in our London living room, staring at a patch of ceiling that desperately needs painting, while someone repeatedly hits my left shin with a plastic spatula. Twin A (Isla) is shrieking because her...
Note to past Tom: Getting the baby brezza sterilizer sorted
Dear Tom of six months ago, It's currently 3:14 AM on a Tuesday, and I know exactly what you're doing. You're standing in the kitchen in your oversized grey joggers, staring bleary-eyed into a rolling boil of tap water on...
The Great Flatlay Disaster: Twin Baby Announcement Ideas
The ultrasound gel was alarmingly cold, but that wasn't what made me stop breathing. It was the sudden, incredibly protracted silence from Janet, the NHS sonographer who had been cheerfully chatting about her spaniel just moments before. She squinted at...
Chasing the Average Baby Weight: A Twin Dad's Red Book Survival
There's a very specific, quiet humiliation reserved for parents standing in a drafty NHS community clinic in late November, frantically trying to undress a furious infant while a health visitor named Brenda hovers with a clipboard. You have to take...
Carrying His Babies Stealing His Heart: Expecting Twins Reality
I was sitting in the dark at 3 a.m., trying to keep my eyes open while my son aggressively refused to sleep. The breast pump was making a mechanical wheezing sound that I swear had a syncopated rhythm to it....
The truth about the best baby monitors (and what actually works)
At 2:14 am on a Tuesday, I was staring at a glowing five-inch screen, utterly convinced my daughter had been replaced by a Victorian ghost. The night vision on our heavily marketed, terrifyingly expensive smart camera had turned my two-year-old...
How to hire a baby sitter without having a complete meltdown
I'm currently crouched behind the wheel of my Vauxhall Astra, engine off, parked exactly three doors down from my own house. I've been sitting here in the dark for fourteen minutes. I'm supposed to be sitting in a dimly lit...
Why I ruined bedtime with that viral Million Dollar Baby song
I was crouching behind the living room sofa, my phone balanced precariously on a half-empty packet of water wipes, waiting for the heavy bass to drop. The plan was incredibly simple. I'd film Florence and Matilda in their breakfast-stained sleepsuits,...
The 2 AM Regalo Baby Gate Crisis That Finally Broke My Spirit
It's exactly 2:14 AM on a Tuesday, and I'm sitting on the top landing of our painfully narrow London terrace in just my boxer shorts, holding a spirit level in one hand and a metal tension rod in the other....