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A tired dad holding a calculator while looking at baby gear

How Much Does It Cost to Have a Baby? A Twin Dad's Honest Maths

I'm currently sitting on the kitchen floor at eleven o'clock at night, staring at my Monzo app while Twin A attempts to aggressively eat a Sainsbury's receipt and Twin B sleeps heavily across my left foot. I can't feel my...

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A toddler staring very intensely at a patch of grass in the garden.

What to do when your toddler finds a bird in the garden

It was a Tuesday afternoon, roughly forty-five minutes before I usually cave and put the television on, when Florence trotted up to me holding what appeared to be a very angry, moldy tennis ball. She deposited it directly onto my...

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A glowing red nightlight on a bedside table next to baby items

What The Baby Baby Justin Bieber Era Taught Me About 3 AM

If you want to know exactly how to make sure your child never, ever goes back to sleep, let me share my foolproof method from the first month of raising twins. When you hear the inevitable 3 AM wail, you...

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Toddlers wearing durable boys apparel at a chaotic soft play centre

The Soft Play Disaster That Made Me Buy Boys Apparel For Twins

The static electricity in the ball pit at Pirate Pete’s Soft Play in Croydon was strong enough to power a small electric vehicle. I know this because my two-year-old twin daughters, Maya and Zoe, were currently trapped inside it, looking...

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Wooden baby activity center with hanging toys on a rug

The 15-Minute Peace Treaty: Surviving Baby Activity Centers

At exactly 4:12 PM on a rainy Tuesday, I realized I had made a terrible, terrible mistake. I was sitting on our battered London flat's living room rug, nursing a desperately lukewarm cup of tea, while my twin daughters, Maya...

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Tired dad holding a teething baby with a silicone toy

The Great Fever Myth: Surviving Your ZΓ€hne Baby's Worst Days

It’s 3:17 am, and I'm holding a plastic thermometer to my daughter Lily’s ear while she attempts to perform a violent exorcism on herself. The digital display flashes an angry red 39.5Β°C. For three days prior, my Swiss mother-in-law had...

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Pale British father covered in zinc oxide chasing two toddlers with sun cream.

Raising a Sun Baby: A Pale British Father’s Guide to UV Survival

Maya is currently doing an impressive impression of an oiled piglet at a country fair, streaking across the scorched grass of Clapham Common while I trail a few paces behind her with a handful of thick, chalky white zinc cream....

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A chaotic living room floor covered in toddler toys and half-eaten rice cakes

Rihanna A AP Rocky Third Baby: The Madness of Three Under Four

It was 7:13 AM on a Tuesday, and I was attempting to pry a half-sucked rice cake from the iron grip of twin A, while twin B was vigorously trying to feed a wet wipe to the cat. My phone...

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Exhausted British twin dad holding a wooden baby gym in a messy living room

How to Be a Rich Baby Daddy Without Actually Having Any Money

I'm standing in a painfully well-lit Marylebone baby boutique at eleven in the morning on a Tuesday, holding a Β£400 self-rocking bassinet, while one of my two-year-old twins actively attempts to eat a display shoe. The sales assistant is looking...

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