The 50 Cent Baby Momma Drama Broke My Brain at 3 AM
It was 3:14 AM on a Tuesday, and my eleven-month-old was emitting a continuous, low-frequency hum that sounded exactly like a failing server fan. I was sitting on the floor of his nursery in the Portland rain, staring at the...
Dr Boss is My Baby Daddy: The Real Workplace Pregnancy Guide
My mother told me to buy oversized scrubs and pretend nothing was happening until my water broke on the linoleum. My charge nurse pulled me into a supply closet and said to demand light duty the second the second line...
Why the "Bad Baby" Myth is Ruining Your Peace of Mind
I was sitting on the floor of my pantry, wedged between a fifty-pound bag of flour for my Etsy shop baking orders and the dog food bin, eating a stale strawberry Pop-Tart while my firstborn screamed his lungs out in...
Why I Use Baby Quip Instead of Hauling Cheap Travel Gear Everywhere
I was standing at Terminal D in DFW, sweating straight through my favorite t-shirt while my oldestβwho's basically a walking cautionary tale at this pointβtried to ride the luggage carousel like it was a carnival attraction. My husband was aggressively...
How to Survive a Husky and a Human Baby Without Losing Your Mind
There's a very specific type of panic that sets in when a fifty-pound sled dog tries to initiate a play-bow with a sleeping infant. You just freeze, calculating the physics of a rapidly wagging tail colliding with a soft fontanelle,...
Checking For Shaken Baby Syndrome Symptoms At 3 AM Is Terrifying
It was 3:14 AM on a Tuesday, and the decibel meter app on my Apple Watch was aggressively tapping my wrist to warn me about prolonged exposure to loud environments. My son was hitting 92 decibels. I was doing this...
Why The Trisha Paytas Baby Theory Actually Terrifies Modern Moms
The blue light from my phone screen was the only thing illuminating the nursery at two in the morning. The breast pump was doing its rhythmic, mechanical wheeze. My brain was operating on three hours of fractured sleep, which is...
The Messy, Honest Truth About Getting a Baby Axolotl
It was 7:00 AM on a Tuesday, and I was standing in my kitchen trying to pour coffee while my four-year-old oldest son shoved a piece of construction paper directly into my line of sight. On it was a crude...
How to Actually Raise a Happy Baby (And Not Lose Your Mind)
Dear Jess of exactly six months ago. You're currently standing in the kitchen at 2:14 AM wearing a milk-stained nursing bra and mismatched pajama pants, crying into a cold cup of coffee while the baby screams like you've deeply offended...