Decoding Baby Lasagna: How to Feed Your Infant Without a System Crash
My mom called me on a Tuesday to say she fed me Stoufferβs frozen meat lasagna when I was six months old and I turned out completely fine, which is debatable considering my current anxiety levels. Ten minutes later, my...
Surviving Twins With Baby Lyrics: Justin Bieber To The Rescue
Tuesday, 5:43 AM. Florence (Twin A) has somehow managed to lodge a piece of dried Weetabix perfectly up her left nostril, while Matilda (Twin B) is executing a flawless, lung-busting temper tantrum because her water is, in her professional two-year-old...
The Day the Park Waterfowl Fought Back: A Survival Log
The hissing started before we even breached the tree line at Hampstead Heath, sounding less like a natural animal noise and more like a punctured bicycle tyre that was somehow actively angry with me. I had a toddler under each...
Why That Baby Farm Netflix Series Messed Up My Sleep Schedule
Dear Priya from six months ago. You're currently sitting on the edge of the faux-leather glider at two in the morning. Your little beta is finally asleep against your chest, her breathing heavy and rhythmic. You're wired. You're holding your...
What I Wish I Knew About The Great Cow's Milk Transition Phase
Dear Jess from exactly six months ago. I see you standing in the dairy aisle at the local HEB, staring at the red cap on a gallon of whole milk like itβs a radioactive artifact. You're sweating through your favorite...
Surviving the great baby shark costume incident that nearly broke me
I was kneeling on the kitchen linoleum at 4:35 pm on a rainy Tuesday, frantically sawing at a yellow polyester chest cavity with a butter knife while muffled, upbeat electronic music mocked my failures. Maya, who's two and possesses the...
A 3AM Panic, A Baby Bush Hospital Article, And Surviving Twins
It was 3:14 AM on a wet Tuesday, and the frankly demonic electronic voice of a cartoon panda driving a baby bus was the only thing preventing my left arm from going entirely numb. Zoe was wedged firmly in my...
The Michelin Man Dilemma: Why Puffy Winter Baby Suits Terrify Me
November 2022. It's three degrees above freezing in the Sainsburyβs car park, a uniquely British kind of damp cold that seeps directly into your bones. I'm sweating profusely through a thin t-shirt while trying to forcefully fold my six-month-old daughter,...
The Huge Baby Bouncer Myth I Totally Believed With My First Kid
It was a Tuesday in 2017, and I was wearing a pair of black maternity leggings that had a distinct smear of Greek yogurt crusted onto the left knee. Maya was three months old. I was standing in my kitchen...