Why Chasing the Myth of the Unicorn Baby Nearly Ruined My First Year
It was 3:14 AM on a Tuesday, and I was sitting on the floor of the nursery in a tragically stained Nirvana t-shirt that smelled heavily of sour milk and desperation. Maya was three months old, and she was screaming....
The Baby Fairy is a Villain Manhwa Is Definitely Not for Kids
I was sitting on the sticky playroom floor last Tuesday, nursing my youngest while trying to fish a dried Cheerio out of my hair, when my oldest son Carter casually peered over my shoulder at my iPad. I had just...
Dear Past Jess: What You Need to Know About Sweet Baby Jesus Beer
I'm currently sitting on the floor of the den with a bottle of carpet cleaner in one hand and a rag in the other, aggressively scrubbing a dark, sticky stain out of the rug while my one-year-old screams from the...
When the Backyard Becomes a Skunk Nursery (And How We Survived)
At exactly 2:14 AM on a Tuesday, I was sitting in the dark, compiling a massive block of legacy code, when I smelled it. It wasn't the usual Portland ambient scent of wet pine needles and artisanal coffee. It smelled...
A Letter To Myself: Stop Buying Crap and Write a Better Baby Card
Dear Sarah from last October, You're currently standing in the greeting card aisle at the Target on Route 17, wearing those black leggings with the mysterious yogurt stain on the left knee, holding an iced oat milk latte that's aggressively...
Why Your Night Vision Baby Monitor Feed Looks Paranormal
We're exactly 42 minutes into what the internet brutally refers to as the nine-month sleep regression, and my son's night vision monitor feed looks less like a peaceful nursery and more like found footage from a Roswell crash site. His...
What a Screaming Backyard Wild Bird Taught Me About Motherhood
It was 102 degrees in the shade, the kind of Texas summer afternoon where the air feels like hot soup and you sweat just blinking, and I was up to my elbows in diaper cream when the back screen door...
The Great Baby Oil Bottle Disaster: What I Actually Know Now
It's twenty past midnight, and I'm currently holding what feels exactly like a greased watermelon. Twin One (who used to be the calm one, though weβve long abandoned that classification) has just executed a flawless, aggressive barrel roll on the...
Why Late-Night Google Is the Enemy of Natural Baby Care
I'm sitting on the floor of the nursery at 3:14 AM, the harsh blue glow of my smartphone illuminating a stain on my jogging bottoms that I'm fiercely praying is just mashed sweet potato. I'm reading a parenting forum post...