Decoding What to Wear to a Baby Shower Without Losing Your Mind
I'm currently standing in my bedroom, holding my 11-month-old daughter who's actively trying to unbuckle my smartwatch with her single newly-erupted tooth, while watching my wife pull her seventh floral midi dress out of the closet. Our bed looks like...
I Googled "Do Baby Teeth Have Roots" at 3 AM and Now I'm Terrified
It's exactly 3:14 AM, and my index finger is currently wedged inside my eleven-month-old's mouth. I'm conducting a blind tactical sweep of his lower gums because he has been waking up screaming every two hours, and I'm desperately trying to...
Do Babies Sleep More When Teething? The Exhausting Truth
I was staring at the glowing green screen of the baby monitor at 2:14 PM on a Tuesday, completely paralyzed by a mixture of deep relief and mounting panic. Florence and Matilda had been asleep for two and a half...
Dressing Your Infant in a Devil's Rejects Baby Firefly Costume
The single biggest myth in modern parenting is the delusion that your infant is a blank, cooperative canvas for your own deeply specific pop-culture obsessions. I discovered this entirely too late while trying to explain to a very judgmental woman...
So, Can Your Newborn Really Be Born With Teeth? (My Freakout)
The biggest, most universally accepted myth about giving birth is that you're going to be handed this perfect, squishy, entirely gummy little blob of a human. I fully believed this. I thought I had at least six solid months of...
The Absolute Absurdity of the Baby Doll Carrier (And Why We Own Two)
My mother-in-law firmly believes that giving a two-year-old their own miniature baby wearing apparatus is mildly ridiculous and encourages them to grow up entirely too fast. The woman at our Tuesday morning playgroupβwho wears floor-length unbleached linen in the dead...
Why Learning Pretty Little Baby Chords Beats Playing Mozart
Three years ago, I was sitting on my cheap living room rug, sweating through my nursing tank top, frantically trying to sync a Bluetooth speaker to a twelve-hour Spotify playlist called "Mozart For Genius Brain Development." My oldest son, the...
The Unexpected Hazard of Press-On Nails During the Baby Years
I was on my hands and knees in the living room, aggressively parting the fibres of our Berber rug like a forensic investigator looking for a microscopic weapon. Chloe, my sister-in-law, hovered above me near the sofa, clutching a lukewarm...
Lord Baby Runs a Romance Fantasy With Cash 92 vs. My Twins
The digital clock on the nursery wall glared at me: 3:14 AM. The room smelled distinctly of stale Calpol and desperation. In the left cot, Evie was violently chewing the wooden bars like a tiny, furious beaver. In the right...