The reality of a six month old baby and the sweet potato incident
I fed my son his first sweet potato puree while wearing a cream cashmere sweater. That was my first mistake. My second mistake was letting him hold the spoon. Within three seconds, he sneezed, and my kitchen looked like a...
Exactly How To Get Rid Of Baby Hiccups Without Losing Your Mind
Dear Sarah of four years ago. You're currently sitting in that cheap beige glider chair you bought on Facebook Marketplace. The one that aggressively squeaks every time you shift your weight. It's 3:14 AM. You're wearing Daveβs oversized college hoodie...
Dear Past Me: Please Put Down That Baby Percentile Calculator
Dear Jess from six months ago, You're currently sitting on the faded living room rug with a floppy yellow sewing tape measure in one hand and your phone in the other, furiously typing slightly inaccurate measurements into a baby percentile...
The truth about a baby horse, toddler safety, and fairy hooves
Three people gave me completely conflicting advice when my toddler developed a sudden, violent obsession with farm animals. My mother-in-law claimed children and equines share a psychic bond that transcends language. My old charge nurse from the pediatric trauma unit...
The Only Real Baby Feeding Chart You Will Actually Ever Need
I was standing in the kitchen at 3:14 AM wearing a milk-stained nursing bra and one mismatched sock, sobbing over a laminated spreadsheet taped to my freezer door. My oldest was screaming in his bassinet down the hall, and I...
The Absurdity of Sitcom Fathers and the Sticky Reality of Baby D Drops
There I was at 3:14 in the morning, wedged into the corner of the sofa with a rapidly cooling bottle of formula tucked under my chin, desperately trying to keep Twin A from kicking her sister in the head. The...
The Baby Bottle Pop Hack That Actually Works (And What Fails)
Dear Sarah from six months ago, You're currently sitting on the cold kitchen tiles at 2:14 AM wearing that grey Def Leppard t-shirtβthe one with the hole in the left armpit that smells vaguely like old French roast and pure...
Letter to Past Marcus: The Patch Notes on RSV Vaccine Babies
I'm sitting here in the dark watching the Govee hygrometer on the nursery dresser tick from 48% to 49% humidity, listening to the rhythmic, slightly squeaky breathing of our eleven-month-old. The Portland rain is currently hammering against the window with...
The yellow baby panic and other postpartum surprises
Three in the morning. The cheap humidifier is humming in the corner, throwing a weird blue light across the bassinet. I'm staring at my newborn son's face, trying to figure out if the bulb is casting strange shadows or if...