Magazine

Tired dad looking at a laptop while baby plays with a teether on the rug

How Many Baby Mommas Does Elon Musk Have: A 3AM Parenting Spiral

What you absolutely shouldn't do when your 11-month-old is actively trying to chew through your MacBook power cord at three in the morning is fall down a Wikipedia rabbit hole about billionaire reproduction. But there I was, sitting on the...

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A tired dad in Portland holding a crying eleven month old baby while staring at a cold cup of coffee.

Dear Past Me: How to Survive the Whiny Baby Phase Without Losing It

You're currently standing in the kitchen staring into the glow of the open refrigerator at 3:14 AM, listening to the relentless, high-pitched vocalizations coming from the nursery monitor. You're holding a cold bottle of formula in one hand and your...

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A tired dad sitting on a hardwood floor watching his baby scoot backward.

When Should A Baby Start Crawling? A Dad's Messy Timeline

I was standing in line at a Portland coffee shop yesterday with my 11-month-old strapped to my chest like a very heavy, drooling backpack, when I got hit with three completely contradictory pieces of developmental advice in the span of...

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Dad holding an 11-month-old baby in a carrier in Portland.

Why Are Babies So Cute? A Dad's Guide to Infant Hardware

My mom visited us in Portland last week and confidently announced that infants are adorable so we don't accidentally leave them in the woods when they haven't slept in three days. The very next morning, my lead developer coworker told...

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Baby Brezza sterilizer on a kitchen counter next to silicone baby bottles

Debugging the Baby Brezza Bottle Sterilizer: An Honest Dad Review

At 3:14 AM on a rainy Tuesday, I was standing over a pot of violently boiling water with a pair of silicone salad tongs, trying to fish out a breast pump flange without melting my fingerprints off. My wife was...

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Dad trying to figure out a baby boy haircut at home with scissors

The great sweet potato incident and surviving baby boy haircuts

My wife Sarah was holding a spoonful of mashed sweet potato like a hostage negotiator, while I hovered over the high chair wielding a pair of poultry shears. Our son was completely oblivious, thrashing his head to some internal rhythm...

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A frustrated dad looking at baby bonnets on his laptop while baby sleeps

The Unfiltered Truth About Baby Bonnets and the Infant Bald Spot

My mother-in-law took one look at the back of my daughter’s head, gasped dramatically, and told me we needed to order a silk baby bonnet immediately to save her hair. Ten minutes later, my sister texted me a link to...

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An exhausted dad holding a crying baby in a dark Portland living room

My Desperate Midnight Troubleshooting Guide for Baby Colic

It was 11:14 PM on a Tuesday, and I was holding my screaming daughter at a bizarre forty-five-degree downward angle over my left forearm because a guy named VapeLord88 on YouTube swore this specific posture would instantly "vent her chassis."...

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A frustrated dad trying to pull a tiny green sweater over a plastic baby doll's rigid arm while his toddler watches.

The 3 AM Nightmare of Putting Baby Doll Clothes on Tiny Plastic Arms

At 4:17 AM on a Tuesday, the ambient temperature in our living room was exactly 68.4 degrees. I know this because I was staring at the thermostat while sitting on the rug with a headlamp on, trying to thread a...

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