Magazine
The Absurd Quest for Baby Boy Names Unique Enough Not to Be Steve
My mother-in-law cornered me by the kettle at week twelve of the pregnancy to insist that strong, traditional English names like Arthur or George were the only guaranteed way to prevent a child from a life of petty criminality, while...
Why the Three Men and a Baby Cast Lied to Us About Fatherhood
It was 3:14 AM, my 11-month-old son was attached to a bottle, and the glowing screen of my iPad was illuminating my deeply exhausted face. I was watching an 80s comedy classic to stay awake, watching Tom Selleck hold a...
Tommy Richman, 3AM Teething, and the Death of My Dignity
It was 3:14 on a Tuesday morning, a time that doesn't actually exist outside of the newborn bubble or the queue for a dreadful kebab in your early twenties. I was standing in the kitchen in a pair of stained...
Why your baby prefers one side and how to fix a tight stiff neck
You're scrolling through your camera roll at two in the morning. You notice that in all four hundred photos you took this week, your baby is looking over their right shoulder. They're staring at the right wall in the crib....
Uncle Baby Billy: How my toddler found HBO at 3am
It's precisely 3:14 in the morning, a time I'm intimately familiar with because it's the exact hour the ambient temperature in our London flat drops just enough to offend my twin daughters. Florence is currently wedged sideways across my chest,...
Why The Uncle Richard Is My Baby Daddy Drama Actually Helps
It's 3:14 in the morning. One of the twins has inexplicably managed to lodge a rogue, rock-hard piece of toast behind the nursery radiator, and the other is performing a prolonged, operatic wail because our profoundly indifferent tabby cat looked...
The Agony of Choosing Unique Baby Girl Names at the Registry
The pen was hovering over the official birth registration form, my hand physically shaking, and not just because I was running on four minutes of broken sleep and half a stale Hobnob. We were sitting in the fluorescent purgatory of...
At What Age Do Babies Crawl? The Honest Southern Mom Truth
I was standing in the church foyer last Sunday holding my youngest, who's currently built like a beautiful, squishy sack of flour, when three different women decided to give me unsolicited updates on their own grandchildren's mobility. Ms. Betty told...
System Meltdown: A Clueless Dad's Guide to Surviving Colic in Babies
I was bouncing on a half-inflated yoga ball at 140 beats per minute, frantically whispering "shhh" while my five-week-old son screamed so aggressively his face looked like a boiled lobster. My Apple Watch buzzed to congratulate me on my intense...