Magazine
Writing Baby Shower Thank You Cards Without Losing Your Mind
I was exactly thirty-six weeks pregnant with my oldest, sitting dead center on the faux-wood floor of our tiny rental duplex, surrounded by seventy-five pastel blue envelopes. I was absolutely sobbing. My lower back felt like it was splitting in...
Dear Past Marcus: Debugging the Baby Shower Meatballs Crisis
I've got a digital meat thermometer plunged into the geometric center of a frozen sphere of ground turkey, and the reading is hopelessly stuck at 138Β°F. It's 11:30 PM on a Friday. The kitchen smells like a confusing collision of...
The Honest Truth About Baby Shower Invites (And Surviving Them)
I was sitting at my kitchen island in July of 2017, my ankles swollen to the exact size and texture of grapefruits, wearing a maternity tank top that had a crusty mustard stain on the hem, crying over cardstock. Literally...
The End of Humiliating Baby Shower Games (And What to Do Instead)
Five years ago, I stood in a drafty village hall in Surrey, holding a plastic cup of warm sparkling wine, watching my sister-in-law unwrap a massive ball of clingfilm while wearing a blindfold. Someone shoved a disposable nappy under my...
How to Write a Baby Shower Card Without Sounding Delusional
I'm standing in the card aisle of the local Tesco, holding a pastel-yellow envelope and aggressively crossing out a pre-printed poem about 'tiny toes and heavenly woes' with a biro. The cashier is staring at me. I don't care. I'm...
Surviving a Massive Baby Show Without Losing Your Damn Mind
I'm standing in aisle 400 of the convention center, seven months pregnant with Maya, sweating through a maternity shirt that was absolutely not designed for indoor arena temperatures, while my husband Dave is holding three different neon tote bags filled...
Why the baby shark video is actually neurological genius
We're stuck in gridlock on Lake Shore Drive. The smell of three-day-old formula is radiating from somewhere under the passenger seat. In the back, my daughter has initiated the kind of breath-holding, red-faced scream that usually requires a medical intervention....
Why My Wife Wanted the 1980s Baby Shalini Haircut at Midnight
At 1:14 AM on a Tuesday, my wife shoved a glowing iPhone into my face displaying a grainy 1980s photo of a child with a perfectly symmetrical, brutally blunt bowl-cut bob. I was barely conscious, trying to reboot my brain...
The Truth About Baby Saja Wallpaper, Screen Time, and Nursery Air
I was sitting on the floor of my three-year-oldβs room yesterday, scraping a fossilized piece of oatmeal off the back of my phone case with my thumbnail, while bouncing my fussy youngest on my hip. I was exhausted, my brain...