My Toddler Found the Lil Baby New Album on Our Smart Speaker
There I was, elbow-deep in cold oatmeal, desperately trying to keep the twins from launching their sticky spoons at the dog, when my four-year-old casually yelled across the kitchen at our smart speaker. Heβs my oldest, which means he's my...
Lil Baby Real Name & The Glitch Of Naming Your First Human
The intake nurse stood at the foot of the hospital bed holding an iPad like a threat, her stylus hovering over a blank text field while the beeping of the fetal monitor mocked my indecision. My wife was exhausted, heavily...
Dear past Tom: Skip the polyester baby yoda costume
Dear Tom of six months ago, You're currently sitting on the sofa with a lukewarm cup of tea, looking at an online checkout cart. It's late September. You're feeling a misguided sense of autumnal whimsy, bolstered perhaps by the fact...
When Your Kid Goes Full Baby Yaga: A Very Tired Dad's Guide
The Nanit camera app on my phone says it's exactly 3:14 AM. My battery is hovering at 12%, and the ambient room temperature is holding steady at 68.4 degrees only because I spent forty minutes calibrating the smart vent system...
The Truth About the Lydia Plath Baby Rumors & Sibling Roles
Don't ever let your four-year-old think he runs the nursery, and definitely don't believe a single thing you read on the internet at two in the morning. That was the harsh lesson I learned this week while scrolling through my...
Why Muppet Babies Is The Only Reboot I Tolerate
It's exactly 6:14 AM on a Tuesday, and my 11-month-old son is attempting to aggressively eat the Roku remote. I'm running on three hours of fragmented sleep and half a cup of cold, day-old pour-over coffee. The biggest myth they...
Baby This is Keke Palmer: How a Pop Culture Podcast Saved My Sanity
It was 2:14 PM on a Tuesday in late October, four years ago when Leo was just a tiny, furious newborn. I was sitting in the driverβs seat of my Honda CR-V in the Target parking lot. I was wearing...
What Happens to the Baby in Squid Game Season 3? A Mom's Take
My mom told me that watching high-stress television while nursing would literally curdle my milk, which Iβm pretty sure is biologically impossible, but then my best friend texted me at 2 AM demanding to know if Iβd seen the jump...
Why the Trisha Paytas Baby Drama Makes Me Rethink Parenting
Don't crowd-source your baby's identity on the internet, and definitely don't let your mother-in-law's passive-aggressive text messages dictate how you announce your kid to the world. I learned this the hard way when I created a literal feedback form for...