A letter to myself about the absolute madness of baby cologne
Dear Tom of Six Months Ago, You're currently standing in the hallway of the semi-detached in Balham, holding a tiny, frosted glass bottle gifted by your remarkably chic European mother-in-law. You're staring at the words "Eau de Senteur" printed in...
Dear Past Me: The Real Truth About That Local Baby Boutique
Dear Sarah from exactly six months ago. I'm writing this to you because I know exactly where you're standing right now. You're in the middle of the fluorescent-lit hellscape of a massive big-box store's baby section, and you're sweating profusely...
My 2 AM Fight About the Baby Boomer Age Range and Safe Sleep
The radiator in our Chicago apartment was hissing that dry, rhythmic sound it only makes in late January. It was two in the morning. I was standing in the doorway of the nursery, rubbing my eyes, watching my mother try...
Why Watching Baby Boom As A Parent Feels Like A Personal Attack
Itβs 10:43 PM on a Tuesday, and I'm sitting on the left side of my couch wearing college sweatpants that have a literal hole in the knee and a maternity bra that I havenβt actually needed for two years but...
Debugging Bath Time: My Quest for a Safe Baby Bathtub
Iβm standing over our stainless steel kitchen sink, my heart rate clocking 130 BPM on my smartwatch, holding what can only be described as a furiously squirming, soap-covered water balloon. My wife Sarah is standing exactly two feet to my...
The babies only survival guide for the newborn trenches
Listen. You're standing in the hospital parking lot, staring at a seven-pound human strapped into a car seat that looks like a NASA prototype, and you're realizing the discharge nurse actually let you leave. They just wheeled you out and...
Sorting Through the Utter Chaos of Buying Preemie Baby Clothes
I was standing at the hospital sink scrubbing my hands for the fiftieth time that Tuesday, staring at a crumpled plastic bag of tiny garments. My mom had just called to cheerfully suggest I just buy standard newborn sizes because,...
The Brutal Truth About Dressing a Baby Girl (Without Losing Your Mind)
I was sitting on the floor of my living room at eight months pregnant with my oldest, surrounded by a mountain of pink tulle, microscopic denim jackets, and bodysuits with more buttons than a Victorian corset. My baby shower had...
The Tactical, Data-Driven Reality of Buying Baby Girl Clothing
My daughter's left foot is currently wedged somewhere inside the armhole of a tulle skirt that somehow features six different layers of synthetic mesh, and she's screaming at me like I just tried to permanently delete her favorite stuffed animal....