The bizarre math of exactly how many bones do babies have
I was trying to fold my daughter into a pram suit that was arguably designed for a slightly smaller, more cooperative species of mammal, when I noticed her leg was bending at an angle that would have required me to...
The midnight quest to help a backed-up baby poop instantly
Florenceβs face was the colour of an overripe aubergine, and she was grunting with the intensity of an Olympic powerlifter attempting a personal best. It was 2:14 AM. I was kneeling on the nursery rug in my boxers, holding her...
The honest guide on how to sleep train a baby (without losing it)
It's 2:14 AM. I'm sitting on the top stair of our narrow London terrace, clutching a cold, profoundly sad crumpet, aggressively watching the timer on my phone tick down from five minutes. From behind the closed nursery door, Florence is...
Surviving the twin daycare drop-off without crying in your car
It's 7:14 AM on a Tuesday, and I'm holding a solitary blue Wellington boot. Florence is currently wearing the other boot on her left hand, aggressively smearing Greek yogurt into the kitchen tiles, while Matilda is completely naked from the...
Confessions of a smug London dad: Surviving a real cry-baby
It was 3:14 in the morning, and the hallway carpet was perfectly imprinting its cheap synthetic weave into my bare knees. I had Twin A tucked under my left arm like a highly volatile rugby ball, and Twin B draped...
The reality of raising a CDH baby when you have absolutely no idea ...
When we got the twenty-week anomaly scan results for the twins, I received exactly three pieces of advice about what to do next. My mother-in-law told us to play Mozart to the bump to encourage "internal harmony," a woman in...
Why the voice remote caused a Sunday morning toddler meltdown
I was halfway through pouring a deeply inadequate cup of instant coffee when I heard the unmistakable, booming sound of a cinematic explosion coming from the living room. Let me set the scene: 6:14 am on a Sunday. I hadn't...
It's All Over Now: Surviving The Postpartum Day Five Crash
My mate Dave, over a very hurried pint three weeks before the twins arrived, told me the secret to the first week at home was to "just keep the kettle on and your head down." The glossy NHS leaflet we...
Lil Baby My Turn: Surviving The 3 AM Parenting Night Shift
I'm standing in our kitchen at 2:13 AM, bathed in the sickly yellow glow of the microwave clock, staring at a slightly damp muslin cloth while holding a bottle that's somehow simultaneously burning hot on the outside and completely freezing...