What the 100 Baby Challenge Sims 4 Taught Me About Real Twins
There's half a mashed banana firmly cemented to the kitchen ceiling, and I'm currently crouched behind the breakfast island while my two-year-old twin daughters aggressively negotiate the ownership of a wooden block using only high-pitched, dolphin-like squeals. It's 7:14 in...
The Absurd Reality of High-End Baby Clothes
When I was eight months pregnant with Leo, my mother sat me down at her kitchen table, tapped her coffee mug with her fingernail, and told me to only buy stark white cotton so I could bleach the absolute hell...
The Only Newborn Outfits You Actually Need (And What to Burn)
It was 3:14 AM on a Tuesday, and the window AC unit in our bedroom was fighting a losing battle against the Texas humidity. I was dripping in postpartum night sweats, sitting cross-legged on the rug in my mesh hospital...
How a Single Bunny Blanket Took Our Entire Family Hostage
I'm currently upside down in the backseat of our Prius with a flashlight clamped between my teeth. It's 11:43 PM. My wife is standing on the porch holding a screaming eleven-month-old, and we're tearing the car apart because we lost...
Dear Sarah: What I Wish I Knew Earlier About Bibs for Adults
Dear Sarah from last November, You're currently sitting at your mother-in-law's dining room table. It's exactly 3:14 PM on a Tuesday, and you're wearing those grey Target sweatpants that have a mysterious bleach stain on the left knee from when...
The great baby silicone migration: a dad's troubleshooting guide
My mother-in-law texted me a picture of a 1980s plastic playpen yesterday, assuring me that my wife gnawed on the rails for months and turned out completely fine. Ten minutes later, my neighborβwho brews her own rainwater kombuchaβleaned over our...
The Stressed Dad Rules for Used Baby Gear and Sleep Loss
Standing in a strangerβs soggy driveway in southeast Portland at 9:15 PM, rain soaking through my fleece, trying to fold a secondhand stroller that smelled faintly of old milk and despair. This was my absolute breaking point. My wife, Sarah,...
Why My 2 AM Fleece Disaster Sparked a Bamboo Clothing Obsession
It was 3:14 AM. I know this because the glowing red numbers of our cheap digital clock were literally burning into my retinas while I paced the hallway holding a thrashing, screaming six-month-old Leo. I was wearing Dave's old college...
Why The Best Baby Gifts For Boys Donβt Have Batteries Or Sirens
I'm currently sitting on my living room rug, surrounded by what I can only describe as a localized explosion of primary-colored plastic, wondering who decided that every single present for a male infant needs to simulate a construction site emergency....