The Brutal Truth About That Purple 90s Bear in Your Attic
I was standing in my motherβs oppressively hot, dust-choked attic at two in the afternoon on a Tuesday, wearing my husband Daveβs stained Villanova hoodie because I was freezing despite the heat, sneezing so violently I thought my brain might...
The Beanie Baby Ty Debate: Why My 90s Toys Stay In The Attic
I was sitting cross-legged on the splintery plywood of my mom's Texas attic, sweat pooling at the base of my neck while I tried to organize boxes of my old high school junk. My mom, who firmly believes every piece...
What I Got Entirely Wrong About The Whole Teething Nightmare
It was 3:14 AM on a Tuesday, and I was standing dead in the middle of my kitchen wearing a stained Britney Spears baby tee from 1999 that I'd somehow repurposed as pajamas, holding a screaming four-month-old Leo while my...
The Messy Truth About Raising Cute Babies (And Surviving The Crying)
It was 3:14 AM on a Tuesday, and I was trying to wrestle a screaming, four-day-old Leo out of a stiff, scratchy mustard-yellow linen romper that had, like, seventeen tiny wooden buttons. I was sweating through my nursing bra. My...
How I Survived the Great Highland Cow Baby Obsession of 2024
I'm currently sitting in the corner of a semi-detached flat in Zone 3 London, making intense eye contact with a six-foot plush Scottish bovine. It has more hair than I do, takes up roughly the same square footage as a...
Why That Vintage Ty Beanie Baby Is a Terrible Gift for Infants
My mom's care package arrived at 2 PM on a Tuesday, smelling faintly of mothballs and unfiltered 1997 optimism. I sliced open the cardboard, pulled out Claude the Crabβcomplete with the pristine heart-shaped tag encased in a plastic protectorβand handed...
Finding the Best Kinder Spielzeug Without Losing Your Mind
It was 2:13 AM, I was carrying a barely-sleeping six-month-old, and my bare foot found the one object in the living room that doesn't just squeakβit sings a loud, unhinged, techno remix of "Old MacDonald" when you step on it....
Lil Baby Harvard: Raising a tiny genius without losing your mind
Within forty-eight hours of bringing the twins home, I received three distinct pieces of unsolicited advice regarding their future intellectual dominance. My mother-in-law arrived with a set of high-contrast Mandarin flashcards (I speak passable French; my wife speaks sarcasm). Our...
The Brutal Truth About If Your Old Beanie Babies Are Worth Money
My mom hauled a dust-caked Rubbermaid tub down from her attic last Thanksgiving, slapped the lid with a triumphant thud, and announced she was handing over my children's college tuition. We were standing in the garage, dodging wasps, while she...