The 3 AM Fart Wars: Real Gas Relief For Miserable Babies
It's 2:14 in the morning. I'm wearing a stretched-out nursing bra that smells faintly of sour milk and desperation, sitting cross-legged on the nursery rug, furiously pumping my three-week-old son's legs like he's trying to win the Tour de France....
The Hey Baby Reality Check For Every Exhausted New Parent
It was 3:14 in the morning and I was standing over a crib trying to negotiate with a swaddled infant who looked like a very angry burrito. The white noise machine was turned up to a volume that probably violated...
The 3AM Panic: Why Your Baby's Dark Green Poop Is Usually Fine
It's 3:14 in the morning, and I'm operating entirely by the pale, depressing glow of my phone's flashlight. The four-minute-older twin has decided that sleeping through the night is a scam invented by adults, and she's communicating this via a...
My Honest Review Of Aveeno Baby Products And Daily Bathing Myths
Itβs 7:42 PM on a Tuesday, I've half a lukewarm mug of microwave-reheated Folgers balanced precariously on the toilet tank, and my mother-in-law is texting me asking if Iβm giving four-month-old Leo a "proper bath" tonight. The sheer panic that...
The late-night angela baby search and other postpartum traps
Dear past Priya. You're sitting in the nursing chair right now at three in the morning. The glow of the screen is illuminating the dark circles under your eyes. You smell like sour milk and fenugreek. The baby is finally...
Debugging Stage 1 Baby Food: A Dad's First Bites Protocol
It's 6:14 PM on a Tuesday, and I'm currently staring at a splatter of bright orange sweet potato puree on my kitchen ceiling. I'm trying to reverse-engineer the physics of how a human being weighing exactly 16.4 pounds managed to...
The tatu baby search that completely broke my dad brain at 2 AM
2:14 AM. The nursery is exactly 68.5 degrees. The white noise machine is pushing out a continuous loop of brown noise at precisely 42 decibels. My 11-month-old daughter is asleep on my chest, breathing 32 times a minute. I know...
The Real Signs of Ear Infection in Baby (And What to Ignore)
I'm just gonna be real with youβif I had a dollar for every time my mother-in-law gasped and said, "Oh, he's tugging his ear, it's an infection!" I could have paid off my student loans by now. When my oldest,...
Why a baby cast and an indie film is a terrible Friday night
It's 8:14 PM on a Friday, and my left hand is currently bonded to a Tupperware container of rapidly hardening purple alginate, while Rachel Sennott has a full-blown panic attack on my television screen. My wife is desperately trying to...