Let's talk about the newborn reality check with your baby baby
Listen. It's three in the morning and the white noise machine is making a rhythmic thumping sound that my sleep-deprived brain has somehow translated into that ancient baby baby justin bieber song. I'm staring at the ceiling fan, calculating exactly...
Surviving the bye bye baby phase without losing your mind
I'm standing in the doorway of a toddler room that smells like wet wipes and desperation. My daughter's fingers are locked into the fabric of my jeans with the grip strength of a rock climber. Another mother just walked in,...
The Megan Love Is Blind Baby: What I Learned About Birth Plans
I was sitting in the dark at precisely 3:17am, trying to scrape a fossilised bit of Weetabix off my left sock without turning on the lamp, when I saw the news. My phone screen lit up with a notification about...
Why My Toddler Was Rapping And The Weird Raq Baby Search Engine Trap
Don't let your fifteen-year-old nephew DJ your toddler's playtime while you're frantically trying to fulfill twenty custom tumbler Etsy orders before the rural post office closes, because you'll end up panic-googling things that will permanently age you. I was elbow-deep...
The reality of raising a newborn and a kitten at the same time
There we were at three in the morning. My newborn daughter was asleep in her bassinet, her mouth hanging open like a tiny, toothless baby catfish. I was half-asleep in the glider, holding a cold cup of tea. Then a...
What Finding Baby Bed Bugs at 3 AM Actually Does to a Parent
The glow of my phone screen at 3:14 AM illuminated what I can only describe as a tiny, malevolent sesame seed crawling across Maya's fitted sheet. I had only come into the nursery because she had done that specific, high-pitched...
Surviving the Three-Month Mark Without Losing Your Mind
My mother-in-law showed up on a Tuesday with a box of rice cereal, swearing that mixing it into a bottle would finally make my kid sleep through the night. Two hours later, the lactation consultant at the clinic told me...
A Letter to Past Me About the Illusion of the Perfect Baby Swing
Hey Marcus from six months ago. It's November, it's raining in Portland again, and you're currently staring at a $250 motorized bucket that oscillates at exactly 43 beats per minute while you pray it'll silence the tiny human who has...
Baby Crying: The Absolute Truth About Fussy Newborns
I'm just gonna be real with you: my oldest sonβs newborn phase is the reason I've a permanent stress-induced twitch in my left eye. I vividly remember standing in my dark pantry at two o'clock in the morning, aggressively rocking...