My Massive Mistake With the Lil Baby Freestyle Playlist Search
The Sonos speaker in our living room was blinking white, which meant it was finally connected to my phone and ready to receive data. My 11-month-old son was sitting on the rug, staring blankly at the wall, waiting for some...
The Late Night Search History of a Clueless Dad
Dear Marcus from six months ago. You're currently sitting on the edge of the bathtub at 3:14 AM, the bathroom tiles are freezing your bare feet, and your phone screen brightness is aggressively burning your retinas because you forgot to...
The Midnight Panic Guide to Checking Your Baby's Temperature
Dear Sarah from six months ago, I know exactly where you're right now. You're sitting on the cold hexagon tile of your sister's guest bathroom. It's 2:14 AM. You've had roughly four cups of French roast today, the last of...
The Messy Reality of Being a Baby's Mom: Surviving Newborns
I was sitting on my bathroom floor at 2:14 AM with a broken breast pump in one hand and a half-eaten sleeve of stale saltines in the other, aggressively weeping because my golden retriever, Buster, looked at me wrong. My...
The Truth About Predicting Your Baby's Sex (And Baking Soda)
I was sitting cross-legged on the cold, unforgiving hexagonal tiles of our rental apartmentβs bathroom at 3 AM, wearing my husbandβs faded college sweatpants and holding a red plastic cup that contained a mixture of my own urine and Arm...
The Reality Behind 'Me As A Baby' Memes: A Letter To Past Marcus
You're currently sitting on the edge of the bathtub at 2:14 AM, staring at the baby monitor app on your phone, trying to figure out why your five-month-old son sounds like a dial-up modem struggling to connect to a bad...
The brutal reality of picking baby shower invitations for a girl
I was twenty-six weeks pregnant, eating fruit antacids like they were candy, staring at my laptop at two in the morning. The screen was a sea of aggressively pink digital paper. The search query was simple enough. I was just...
What to Look for in a Baby Shower Guest Dress (Without Losing Your ...
Dear Jess of six months ago, currently standing in front of your open closet, sweating into a stained Target graphic tee while trying to figure out what the heck "garden casual" means. I see you, I'm you, and I need...
My Love-Hate Relationship With The Massive Uppa Baby Stroller
I was standing in what can only be described as a biblical amount of mud on Hampstead Heath, rain aggressively lashing against my glasses, while Twin A screamed with the sheer lung capacity of an opera singer and Twin B...