Dear Past Marcus: Debugging The Extraterrestrial Baby Phase
It's 3:14 AM on a Tuesday, and you're staring at the night vision feed on the Nanit monitor like it's a security camera at a haunted house. His eyes are open. They're glowing an iridescent, terrifying white because of the...
Learning Baby I Love Your Way Chords Fixed Our Broken Bedtime
At 2:14 AM on a Tuesday, my daughter's sleep architecture completely collapsed. We were eleven months into this parenting experiment, and Maya was standing in her crib, shaking the rails like a tiny inmate demanding to speak to the warden....
Baby Sticking Tongue In And Out Repeatedly? Put The Phone Down
Two in the morning. The baby monitor was casting this sickly blue glow across my nightstand. Anya was fast asleep, but her mouth was doing this rhythmic, reptilian flicker. Just a baby sticking tongue in and out repeatedly, tasting the...
The accidental gymnast and the gravity problem with your two-month-old
We need to talk about the biggest lie circulating in your local mom group. You know the one. You're sitting on someone's beige rug, sipping lukewarm coffee, and another mother casually drops that her eight-week-old is already rolling over. She...
Black And White Stripped Leggings Baby: A 3 AM Survival Guide
The radiator in our Chicago apartment was making that metallic clanking sound it only makes when the wind chill hits negative twenty. It was 3 AM, and I was running on maybe forty minutes of broken sleep. I was sitting...
The truth about the best baby shoes and why ours went in the trash
It was a Tuesday morning, probably around 9 AM, and I was sitting on our living room rug wearing black yoga pants that featured a very distinct, crusted-over smear of smashed avocado on the left knee. Maya was ten months...
How to pick a baby's first doll without an airway panic attack
My mother-in-law handed me a beautifully wrapped box last Diwali. Inside was a rigid plastic nightmare with eyelashes you could cut steak with, wearing a tiny, removable pearl necklace. She smiled warmly, called it beta's new best friend, and told...
My Son's Vintage February 13 Plushie Almost Caused A System Crash
I was sitting on the floor of my home office, watching the Portland rain hammer against the window, when I unboxed a neon pink flamingo from 1995. My mother mailed the package to us last week. Apparently, Ty plush toys...
Viewing Baby Rabbit Growth Stages Without the Toddler Chaos
Don't, under any circumstances, take twin two-year-olds to a local petting farm during birthing season. We were knee-deep in Somerset mud last Tuesday when Twin A locked eyes with a newborn kit, let out a war cry that rattled my...