Magazine
What I Learned After Buying a Blanket With Rainbows for My Twins
We were standing by the dismal puddle that passes for a duck pond in our local park when a woman I had never met touched my arm and gave me a look of deep, teary-eyed solidarity. She was staring intently...
The 3 AM blowout and why your baby kleider set actually matters
Listen, the meconium is going to ruin that pristine white newborn outfit before the hospital valet even brings your car around. I was staring at my perfectly packed hospital bag, heavily pregnant with my son, thinking my ten years on...
The Pyjama Baby Protocol: A Dad's 3 AM Debugging Guide
It's exactly 3:14 AM, the nursery thermostat reads a chilling 68.5 degrees, and I'm holding my breath while attempting to thread a tiny, flailing leg into a tube of fabric in near-total darkness. The structural integrity of the diaper has...
Hosen Kinder: Why Stiff Baby Trousers Are a Hardware Failure
There I was at month four, holding what looked like a perfectly scaled-down replica of my own selvedge denim jeans, staring at my son while he executed a perfect, continuous death roll on the changing table. I had exactly three...
What I Wish I Knew About Buying Baby Bedding Sets
Dear Sarah from exactly six months ago. It's an unseasonably warm Tuesday in October, and you're standing in the middle of a department store aisle with your pregnant younger sister. You're wearing those black leggings with the mysterious bleach stain...
The Great Accessoire Bebe Swindle (And What We Actually Kept)
It's 3:14 am, and I'm standing in our dimly lit kitchen trying to operate a Bluetooth-enabled baby formula dispenser while Twin A screams with the righteous fury of a wronged Victorian ghost, and Twin B enthusiastically chews on a piece...
How a simple swaddle blanket saved my sanity with newborn twins
It's 3:14 in the morning on a Tuesday, and I'm standing in our minuscule London kitchen holding a square piece of fabric, desperately trying to remember the origami sequence the NHS midwife showed me a week ago while one of...
The ganzkörper lätzchen saved my twins from tomato sauce ruin
There's a persistent, incredibly damaging rumour floating around antenatal classes that starting your baby on solid food is a gentle, aesthetic journey. You're led to believe you'll hand your darling infant a perfectly steamed baton of sweet potato, which they'll...
Surviving Weaning and the Tactical Genius of a Lätzchen mit Namen
I'm currently staring at a smear of pureed pumpkin that has somehow defied gravity to reach the ceiling rose of our Victorian terrace. It's seven in the morning on a Tuesday, and one of the twins—I'm fairly certain it's Florence,...