Magazine
What Keke Palmer Baby Daddy Drama Taught Me About Boundaries
I'm sitting on the cold tile floor of my sisterβs bathroom at 2 AM, wearing yesterdayβs yoga pants with a weird yogurt stain on the knee, holding a lukewarm cup of coffee I've literally microwaved three times. My sister is...
The 3 AM Survival Guide Inspired By Justin Bieber Baby Lyrics
It's 3:14 AM and I'm staring at the frozen slush on the Chicago streets below our apartment window, shifting my weight from my left hip to my right hip in a hypnotic, desperate rhythm. My daughter is screaming with the...
The Brutal Truth About Bouncing Your Infant In A Plastic Cage
When my middle child turned five months old, my mother dragged a massive, brightly colored, heavily plastic contraption into my living room right in the middle of Thanksgiving dinner. It was one of those freestanding bouncing activity centers that takes...
Debugging the Johnson's Baby Oil Skin Hydration Myth for Dads
My hands are slick with a ridiculous amount of synthetic fragrance and highly refined petroleum, and my eleven-month-old son is currently sliding across the living room hardwoods like an aggressive, giggling hockey puck. It's a Tuesday evening. I'm trying to...
The Big Myth About Johnson Baby Shampoo (And What I Use Now)
I was sitting on the cold, unforgiving bathroom tile in my favorite pair of ancient, bleach-stained yoga pants. It was exactly 8:14 PM on a Tuesday. Maya, who was two at the time and going through a truly unhinged phase...
The weird, messy truth about baby mineral oil: A letter to past me
Dear Sarah from last November, You're sitting on the beige bathroom rug at 2 AM. You're wearing those faded black leggings that have a hole near the left knee, you're freezing, and you're drinking your third cup of lukewarm coffee...
The Complete Jelly Baby Survival Guide For Overthinking Dads
Dear Marcus from six months ago. Itβs me, future Marcus. Our kid is 11 months old now, and I know exactly what you're doing. You're currently standing in aisle four of the Hawthorne Fred Meyer at 9:15 PM, holding a...
The truth about that viral JD Vance baby face meme
Listen, I was scrolling past a picture of the vice president on my phone at 2 a.m. while my toddler used my ribcage as a trampoline. It was that jd vance baby face edit that took over the internet late...
JD Vance baby: The messy truth about waiting for the perfect time
Listen. It's 3 AM. The radiator in our Chicago apartment sounds like a dying car engine, and my toddler has decided sleep is an offensive concept. I'm sitting in the dark, watching my phone screen illuminate the spit-up stain on...