What the Megan Fox baby tells us about surviving your late thirties
When my wife fell pregnant with our twins, her aunt cornered me at a family dinner to insist we buy a wipe-warmer because cold wet wipes supposedly cause long-term emotional damage. The very next day, my mate Ianβwho has three...
Dear Past Marcus: Debugging The Toddler Consumerism Bug
Dear Marcus from exactly six months ago, You're currently sitting on the living room rug, watching our five-month-old try to gnaw the security chip off your Amex card. You think it's hilarious. You're probably taking a photo to send to...
What an Endangered Red Panda Taught Me About Parenting My Wild Child
The glow of my dual monitors was the only light in the living room while my eleven-month-old son performed what I can only describe as a sustained velociraptor screech from his playpen. It was 3:14 AM. I was supposed to...
Why I Use Baby Quip Instead of Hauling Cheap Travel Gear Everywhere
I was standing at Terminal D in DFW, sweating straight through my favorite t-shirt while my oldestβwho's basically a walking cautionary tale at this pointβtried to ride the luggage carousel like it was a carnival attraction. My husband was aggressively...
Debugging Baby Clothes For Boys: A First-Time Dad's Guide
Last Tuesday at 2:14 AM, I was staring at a pile of microscopic blue garments on the changing table, trying to calculate the exact structural integrity of a soaked cotton blend. My 11-month-old son was aggressively doing the bicycle-leg motion...
Surviving the drama of your baby's first christmas ornament
I was sitting on the floor of our freezing Chicago apartment with a vacuum in one hand and a bleeding thumb in the other. My mother-in-law had just left. Her gift had lasted exactly four seconds out of the tissue...
The truth about baby strollers: What I bought vs. what I actually use
Listen. My foot was wedged against the back door of the Red Line train at Fullerton, aggressively kicking the plastic wheel of a luxury travel system that simply refused to fold. The doors were closing. People were staring. My daughter...
The Real Truth About People Actually Finding Your Baby Registry
I was sitting in a literal pile of bright pink cardboard boxes on my living room floor, four days after my first baby shower, ugly-crying into a burp cloth because not a single person bought the organic crib sheets I...
The Brutal Truth About H&M Sizing and My Fast Fashion Paradox
I was literally sitting on the floor of Mayaβs nursery, which was painted this exact shade of sage green that I spent three weeks hyper-fixating on during my third trimester, crying over a tiny beige cardigan. She was maybe eight...