Dear Jess: Surviving Colic and Why We Watch Cry-Baby 1990 Now
Dear Jess from six months ago. You're currently sitting on the cold linoleum of the laundry room floor at 3:14 AM. The dryer is tumbling a single wet towel just to generate enough white noise to drown out the ringing...
The Messy Truth About Raising Cute Babies (And Surviving The Crying)
It was 3:14 AM on a Tuesday, and I was trying to wrestle a screaming, four-day-old Leo out of a stiff, scratchy mustard-yellow linen romper that had, like, seventeen tiny wooden buttons. I was sweating through my nursing bra. My...
Surviving the Real Baby Invasion Without Completely Losing Your Mind
It was day four. The milk had just come in. My living room was littered with breast pump parts, half-empty water bottles, and those terrible mesh hospital underwear. My husband was sitting on the edge of the sofa, bathed in...
How to Take Decent Baby Pictures Without Losing Your Entire Mind
I was sweating through my favorite gray t-shirt, balancing on one foot on a dining room chair, making noises that sounded like a dying turkey. Below me, my oldest son, Hunter, was screaming bloody murder from inside a $60 woven...
Baby Girl Coming Home Outfit: A Letter to My Exhausted Self
Dear Jess, You're currently sitting cross-legged on the nursery rug, 38 weeks pregnant, sweating right through your maternity bra while staring at three different browser tabs full of $80 smocked linen rompers. It's 2 AM, your sciatica is acting up,...
The Exhausted Parent's Guide to Choosing a Great Baby Doctor
I'm currently typing this one-handed on my phone in a clinic waiting room that smells aggressively like rubbing alcohol and cheap cherry lollipops, while my youngest tries to aggressively gnaw my collarbone off. The lady across from me is staring...
What the bhad baby news taught me about newborn survival mode
The blue light from my phone was set to the absolute lowest brightness, but in the pitch black of our Portland bedroom at 3:17 AM, it still felt like staring directly into a laser pointer. My eleven-month-old daughter was asleep...
The Josh Naylor Playoff Baby Situation and MLB Paternity Leave
Don't attempt to fix a P1 production bug while your wife's contractions are exactly three minutes apart. I thought I could deploy a quick hotfix from the triage room at Providence Portland while we waited for a doctor. My wife,...
I Cried In A Baby Clothing Store, Then A Blowout Ruined My Haul
It was 3:14 in the morning, and the mustard-yellow explosion had breached the diaper, traveled up my firstbornβs back, and was making a steady, terrifying march toward his neckline. I was operating on maybe forty minutes of broken sleep, standing...