Magazine

A dad nervously checking the rearview mirror at a baby in a rear-facing car seat.

The real baby driver 2: A letter to my past self about car seat panic

Dear Marcus from six months ago, You're currently idling in the driveway of the Hawthorne Fred Meyer in your Subaru. The engine is running. The heater is set exactly to 70 degrees because you read somewhere that anything else will...

Read more

A confused dad looking at an at-home baby doppler device next to a laptop.

The Great Baby Doppler Debug: Why I Stopped Tracking Heartbeats

My mother told me that if I just pressed a toilet paper tube against my wife’s belly, I could hear the baby’s heartbeat perfectly. A senior developer on my team swore by buying a discarded clinical-grade ultrasound machine off eBay...

Read more

Exhausted dad holding twin babies surrounded by baby gear and empty coffee cups

The Absurdity of Sitcom Fathers and the Sticky Reality of Baby D Drops

There I was at 3:14 in the morning, wedged into the corner of the sofa with a rapidly cooling bottle of formula tucked under my chin, desperately trying to keep Twin A from kicking her sister in the head. The...

Read more

Confused dad holding a remote while an 11-month-old baby plays with blocks.

Why Searching For A Baby Boy Movie Is A Terrible Weekend Idea

It was 6:14 AM on a Sunday, the coffee hasn't kicked in, and my 11-month-old son was aggressively trying to dismantle the living room router. I just wanted twenty minutes of peace. I grabbed the Apple TV remote, typed "baby...

Read more

Dad holding baby looking at a pediatric clinic brochure about winter viruses

Letter to Past Marcus: The Patch Notes on RSV Vaccine Babies

I'm sitting here in the dark watching the Govee hygrometer on the nursery dresser tick from 48% to 49% humidity, listening to the rhythmic, slightly squeaky breathing of our eleven-month-old. The Portland rain is currently hammering against the window with...

Read more

Twin toddlers fighting over a wooden block in a London park

The Toddler Nepo Baby: Surviving Sandpit Privilege

"Get them into St. Jude's nursery now by calling your Aunt Susan," my mother-in-law hissed over a lukewarm cup of Earl Grey last Tuesday, as if we were discussing a covert military op rather than a place where kids eat...

Read more

Tired dad staring at a glowing baby monitor in a completely dark nursery

Sleep Training a Baby: A Letter to My Past, Severely Exhausted Self

Dear Marcus of six months ago, You're currently standing in the dark, swaying like a drunken sailor on a turbulent sea. You have an 18-pound weight draped over your left shoulder, and your right hand is frantically typing when to...

Read more

A tired mom dealing with static postpartum hair regrowth around her hairline

Postpartum Baby Bangs: A Dad's Guide to the Hair Regrowth Glitch

Dear Marcus of six months ago: Put down the industrial drain snake and take a deep breath. I know you just pulled a clump of hair out of the shower drain that looks roughly the size of a wet squirrel,...

Read more

Sleep deprived dad holding a baby in a dim nursery while looking at his phone

Doomscrolling Paternity Drama: A Dad's Guide to Co-Parenting

It's exactly 3:14 AM. The nursery thermostat reads 68.4 degrees, which I know because I check the data monitor compulsively whenever the floorboards creak. My eleven-month-old son is currently asleep on my chest, dead weight and drooling onto my collarbone....

Read more