The Unfiltered, Messy Truth About Your Baby's Diaper Deposits
We were somewhere on I-35 between Waco and Austin when the smell hit. My middle kid, who was about four months old at the time, let out a sound from the backseat that I can only describe as a bullfrog...
The Brutal Truth About That Purple 90s Bear in Your Attic
I was standing in my mother’s oppressively hot, dust-choked attic at two in the afternoon on a Tuesday, wearing my husband Dave’s stained Villanova hoodie because I was freezing despite the heat, sneezing so violently I thought my brain might...
Why I Have Major Trust Issues With Heavy Recaro Baby Car Seats
I was standing in our crushed-granite driveway in late August, sweat pooling in places I didn't know could sweat, trying to shove a piece of metal and memory foam the size of a mini-fridge into the back of my SUV....
The truth about viral audio trends and your toddler
My mother-in-law told me to physically cover my toddler's ears whenever a rap song comes on in public. My neighbor, who has three feral boys, said I should just let him listen to whatever because censoring it makes it a...
The "Maybe Baby" Fantasy vs. Bringing Home Your Actual Newborn
It was 3:17 in the morning, and the blue light from my smartphone was practically burning my retinas as I sat in the rocking chair, desperately trying to log exactly how many ounces of breastmilk my oldest had just choked...
Finding the Donna Summer Magic in Everyday Newborn Chaos
It's 3:14 in the morning. The radiator in our Chicago apartment is clanking like an asthmatic tin man, and my newborn daughter is doing her absolute best impression of a car alarm. Somewhere in the deep, sleep-deprived recesses of my...
Googling Lil Baby The Leaks Album During A 3AM Diaper Blowout
I was standing barefoot in the dark hallway at 3:14 AM, holding my youngest kid away from my body like he was a ticking bomb. Baby T had just managed to produce a mustard-colored blowout so completely catastrophic that it...
Late Night TV, DNA & Is Will The Father Of Luna's Baby
Dear Marcus from exactly six months ago: You're currently sitting on the blue exercise ball in the middle of our living room, bouncing precisely 62 times a minute in the dark. It's 3:14 AM, the baby is five months old,...
Real Advice on How to Stop Baby Hiccups Without Losing Your Mind
"Put a wet piece of thread on his forehead," my mother-in-law instructed over FaceTime, holding her phone entirely too close to her face. My neighbor, who means well but reads too many mommy blogs, told me later that afternoon to...