The Real Rubber Baby Buggy Bumper Meaning (And Why We Care)
When Leo was about two and a half, his vocabulary basically consisted of "no," "dog," and this aggressive grunting noise that meant he wanted more goldfish crackers. I was obviously losing my mind about it. So I'm standing in the...
Dear Me: Don't Let Leo Touch That Swamp Chicken (A Pukeko Story)
Dear Sarah from last October. You're currently standing on the edge of the wetlands trail at 8:15 AM, wearing those maternity leggings you stubbornly refuse to throw away even though Leo is four years old now, and you're clutching an...
Prune Juice for Babies: A Dad's Guide to the Constipation Matrix
My mother-in-law told me to fill an entire eight-ounce bottle with warm Sunsweet and let him chug it like a fraternity dare. My lead developer at work, who has three teenagers and a suspiciously clean desk, warned me that any...
Pretty Baby Full Movie Searchers: A Mom's Take on Screens
I was sitting on my living room floor at 10 PM last Tuesday, folding what felt like my four-thousandth load of tiny toddler socks, when I went down a massive Google rabbit hole. I had just finished watching that two-part...
Why Peppa Pig is Banned (and Unbanned) in My House
I was standing at the kitchen island trying to pack up four late Etsy orders while balancing a screaming newborn on my hip when I heard it. A high-pitched, fake British accent coming from the living room. "Mummy Pig! I...
The Ugly Truth About Raising A Pacifier Baby In A Perfect World
The nurse lactation consultant at the hospital looked at me like I had just suggested feeding my newborn a shot of espresso. It was 3 a.m. on my second night postpartum, I was bleeding through my mesh underwear, and my...
The Baby Heart Rate Gender Myth: Twin Dad Survives The Scan
The room at Guyβs Hospital was aggressively dim, smelling faintly of antibacterial wipes and the specific, cold terror of impending parenthood. My wife was lying on the examination table with a generous dollop of freezing blue gel smeared across her...
Baby J DJ Drama: Surviving Loud Wedding Dance Floors
I was huddled in the damp corner of a rustic wedding barn outside Austin, vibrating. And I don't mean figuratively. The bass from the DJ's speakers was physically shaking the cheap folding chair I was sitting on while I desperately...
The Truth About Baby Keem Age, Loud Music, And Tiny Eardrums
My mother-in-law told me listening to rap would stunt my kid's language acquisition and that I should stick strictly to classical flute. My husband claimed playing heavy bass in the car was important cultural exposure that builds character. The terrifying...