Magazine

Sleep deprived mom staring at a mechanical baby swing in a dark living room

What I Wish I Knew Before Buying That Magical Baby Swing

It’s 3:14 AM on a Tuesday in November, and I'm standing in my kitchen wearing a pair of Target maternity leggings from 2014 that smell aggressively like sour milk, holding a lukewarm mug of yesterday’s coffee, just absolutely paralyzed while...

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Twin baby girl in organic cotton onesie commando crawling toward a dog bowl

The Exact Moment My Twin Girls Decided to Become Fully Mobile

I was halfway through a tepid mug of Yorkshire tea when I heard the distinct sound of a skull making soft, rhythmic contact with cheap Swedish MDF. It was Tuesday, approximately 10:14 AM, and Mia had finally discovered how to...

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A dusty plastic storage bin filled with colorful 90s plush animal toys

The Beanie Baby Delusion: Why I Booted My Childhood Collection

I was standing ankle-deep in fiberglass insulation in my parents' attic last Thanksgiving, holding a massive, dust-caked Rubbermaid tub. Inside was what my 1998 brain calculated to be roughly $40,000 worth of brightly colored plush toys. I actually looked at...

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A messy living room with scattered baby toys and a television glowing in the dark.

Why the Baby Driver Cast Fooled Me on Family Movie Night

My oldest boy, Jackson, is standing dead center in the living room wearing mismatched dinosaur pajamas, clutching a half-eaten string cheese like a microphone, and staring completely wide-eyed at our television screen. It's 9:45 PM on a Friday. He's supposed...

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A confused dad looking at his phone next to a baby in an organic cotton bodysuit

Why Baby Reindeer is Actually a Terrible Nursery Theme (And Show)

On a random Tuesday last month, I received three completely contradictory pieces of data within the span of six hours. First, my coworker Todd slacked me a message between server deployments saying, "Dude, you gotta check out that baby reindeer...

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A frustrated mom looking at a car seat mirror while driving with her crying baby.

The Truth About The Baby Driver Movie And Actual Car Seat Safety

Let's talk about the biggest, fattest lie the universe feeds expecting parents: that babies inherently love riding in the car. You know the exact myth I'm talking about. You've probably seen those pristine, beige-aesthetic moms on Instagram claiming that all...

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A tired father staring at a complex plastic bouncing contraption while holding two identical screaming infants.

Dear Past Me: The Truth About That Newborn Jumper Fantasy

Dear Tom of six months ago, You're currently sitting on the hallway floor of our terribly drafted London flat at 3:14 in the morning. Your left shoulder smells aggressively of sour milk, your right knee is entirely numb from the...

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A textured crochet leaf blanket in organic green yarn folded on a wooden nursery chair

That Viral Crochet Leaf Blanket Pattern: What No One Tells You

When I first decided I was going to make something beautiful for my third baby's nursery, the opinions came flying at me faster than a toddler hopped up on apple juice. My grandma told me to just use whatever cheap...

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A tired dad looking at a laptop while a baby chews on a wooden play gym ring.

Dear Past Marcus: Troubleshooting the Great Baby Mat Matrix

Row 47 of my "Baby Infrastructure" Google Sheet is where my sanity finally encountered a fatal error. It was 2:14 AM. The ambient temperature in the nursery was exactly 71.4 degrees, I had logged 11 wet diapers for the day,...

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