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Debugging The Baby's Breath Garland Nursery Disaster
It's 11:43 PM on a Tuesday, and I'm standing on a step stool in my socks, gripping a heavy-duty staple gun in one hand and a crumbling, foul-smelling botanical structure in the other. My 11-month-old son is asleep in the...
Dear Past Jess: The Butternut Squash Baby Food Survival Guide
Put the dull paring knife down, honey. Just lay it gently on the cutting board and step away from the counter before you end up in the rural Texas ER explaining to a very tired nurse how a vegetable completely...
Botanical Interests Organic Lettuce Mesclun Gourmet Baby Seed
I was standing in aisle four of the Pearl District Whole Foods, aggressively cross-referencing a bag of pre-washed spinach with the CDCβs active E. coli outbreak database on my phone, while my eleven-month-old actively tried to lick the shopping cart...
The absolute truth about a black baby changing diaper routine
It's 3:17 a.m. and I'm staring down twin number one (or possibly twin number two, the darkness and sleep deprivation blur them into one collective entity of demands) while the distinct, unmistakable aroma of impending doom wafts from her cot....
Why I switched to baby's only formula (and stopped stressing)
I was sitting on the floor of my laundry roomβwhich doubles as the inventory storage for my Etsy shop, don't judgeβholding my phone in one hand and a screaming two-month-old in the other. I had just asked three different people...
When Your Brother Asks You to Help Pick a Memorial Marker
The fluorescent lighting in the monument showroom was humming at a frequency that felt like a localized cyber-attack on my nervous system. I was sitting at a faux-wood desk next to my older brother, Dave, staring at a catalog of...
How Do People Abadon Babies? A Letter To Myself
Dear Sarah from six months ago, It's 2:14 AM. You're sitting on the cold, weirdly sticky tile of the upstairs bathroom floor. You're wearing Dave's gray Villanova sweatpantsβthe ones with the literal hole in the left knee that you keep...
The Truth About Baby's Breath Flowers (And Why I Threw Mine Out)
Dave was holding a black lawn-and-leaf trash bag open while I aggressively shoved thirty mason jars of dried white flowers into it, weeping slightly, wearing only a nursing bra and a pair of his grey sweatpants. There was crumbly white...
Lil Baby Fridayy - Forever Chords: The 2 AM Search Mix-Up
The biggest lie the parenting internet tells you is that you can safely operate a search engine while running on two hours of sleep and a lukewarm cup of yesterday's coffee. Let me paint a picture for you. It was...