Magazine
My Desperate Midnight Troubleshooting Guide for Baby Colic
It was 11:14 PM on a Tuesday, and I was holding my screaming daughter at a bizarre forty-five-degree downward angle over my left forearm because a guy named VapeLord88 on YouTube swore this specific posture would instantly "vent her chassis."...
The Mattress Myth and Other Midnight Lies About Baby Congestion
At 2:14 a.m., holding a screaming infant who sounded remarkably like a broken accordion, I made the fatal mistake of consulting the internet. A very cheerful parenting forum told me I should simply prop up one end of my daughter's...
The Honest Guide to Feeding Crustaceans to Your Infant
I was standing in my kitchen at ten in the morning on a random Tuesday, holding a twenty-dollar tin of pasteurized lump meat like it was a live grenade. The smell of cold brine was filling the room. My son...
The Truth About Cradles and That Scalp Crust Nobody Mentions
The smell of lemon wood polish hit me the second I walked into our Chicago apartment with a three-day-old infant in my arms. Sitting right in the middle of our cramped living room was a massive, dark wood antique baby...
A Letter To Myself About The Chaos Of The Baby Crawling Phase
It's 2:14 PM on a Tuesday. I'm wearing black yoga pants that haven't seen the inside of a gym since 2018, and a gray t-shirt stained with breastmilk and what I'm desperately hoping is just mashed sweet potato. I'm nursing...
How I Survived the Relentless Baby Crying Sound With Twin Girls
It was a Tuesday in mid-November, roughly 5:14 PM, when the air pressure in our London flat simply ceased to exist. I was holding a half-empty bottle of formula in one hand and a rogue, suspiciously damp sock in the...
The 3 AM hostage negotiation and the baby daisy aesthetic
The digital clock on the dresser said 3:14 AM. The wind coming off Lake Michigan was rattling the bedroom window, but that wasn't what woke me. It was the distinct, unmistakable sound of a bodily fluid breaching containment. I stood...
Surviving Baby Daycare: What I Believed vs What Actually Happened
I'm currently sitting in a 2014 Skoda Estate, engine off, staring blankly at a laminated sign that reads "Little Acorns" through a windscreen smeared with what I sincerely hope is just mashed banana. My twin daughters, Isla and Freya, are...
The Real Baby Definition: Throwing Out The Dictionary Right Now
I was sitting on the floor of my bathroom at 2:14 AM wearing a deeply stained gray nursing bra and exactly one sock, aggressively typing "baby definition" into my phone with my left thumb while Maya, who was exactly five...