Magazine
Why the relaxing baby tub routine is actually a massive lie
I'm currently staring at a puddle of lukewarm water slowly seeping into the grout of my bathroom floor, while somewhere in the distance, a rogue rubber duck is wedged firmly behind the loo. My knees are making a noise that...
The Great Baby Toothpaste Debate: Brushing My Son's First Tooth
My son bit my index finger at exactly 6:14 AM on a Tuesday, and that was how I found out we had a breach in the hull. I was just doing my usual morning firmware checkβfeeling around his gums because...
The Brutal Truth About If Your Old Beanie Babies Are Worth Money
My mom hauled a dust-caked Rubbermaid tub down from her attic last Thanksgiving, slapped the lid with a triumphant thud, and announced she was handing over my children's college tuition. We were standing in the garage, dodging wasps, while she...
Dear Past Priya: Finding the Best Baby Swing for Your Sanity
Dear Past Priya, It's 3:14 AM on a Tuesday in late November. You have dried spit-up on the left shoulder of your nursing tank. You're standing in the dark living room holding a screaming potato who refuses to close his...
A letter to my past self about the quest for superior baby wipes
Dear Tom of six months ago, You're currently standing in the semi-darkness of the nursery at 4:12 AM, attempting to perform a minor miracle while Twin A tries to kick you in the face and Twin B wails in aggressive...
The Best Sleeping Position For Baby With Stuffy Nose Resolved
It was 3:14 AM, the cool-mist humidifier was blasting enough vapor to make the nursery look like a 90s music video, and my eleven-month-old sounded exactly like a broken espresso machine. Every inhale was a wet, whistling rattle. Every exhale...
Why the Bhad Babie Only Fans Era Keeps This Twin Dad Awake
The bluish glow of my phone was beautifully illuminating a fresh, crusty patch of spit-up on my left shoulder at 3:14 AM when the algorithm decided I desperately needed to know about a teenager's multi-million dollar adult content empire. One...
The absolute physical reality of raising a genuinely big baby
I'm standing in the middle of our dimly lit bedroom, sweating through a t-shirt, attempting to pull a cotton sleepsuit over my daughter's left thigh. The label, stitched with mocking delicacy, reads 'Up to 1 Month'. As I try to...
Surviving Big Baby Davis: Raising A Literal Ten-Pound Newborn
"Are you absolutely sure there's only one in there?" I was staring at the popcorn ceiling of my OB's office in rural Texas, slick with that freezing blue ultrasound gel, while the poor tech just kept measuring and re-measuring my...