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Dear Past Marcus: Please Stop Panicking About Baby Swiss Cheese
You're standing in the glowing light of the open fridge. It's 2:13 AM on a Tuesday. You have a block of sharp cheddar in your left hand and your phone in your right, aggressively cross-referencing milligrams of sodium on a...
Baby Sticking Tongue In And Out Repeatedly? Put The Phone Down
Two in the morning. The baby monitor was casting this sickly blue glow across my nightstand. Anya was fast asleep, but her mouth was doing this rhythmic, reptilian flicker. Just a baby sticking tongue in and out repeatedly, tasting the...
The First-Time Dad's Guide to Searching Baby Shower Near Me
I had exactly thirty-two tabs open in Chrome, my laptop's cooling fan was sounding like a Boeing 737 at takeoff, and my wife Sarah was giving me a look that translated roughly to a severe compilation error. I had literally...
The Brutal Truth About Baby Shower Flowers (Before vs After Twins)
I was standing in the narrow hallway of our London flat, proudly clutching an enormous Β£80 arrangement of stargazer lilies, completely convinced I was husband of the year. My wife's pre-baby gathering was starting in an hour, and I'd spared...
Why navigating baby shower chair rentals nearly broke my spirit
It was pouring with rain, naturally, because this is London, and I was wedged firmly between our Victorian front doorframe and a fifty-seven-inch-tall wicker peacock chair. My wife, Sarah, who was approximately eight hundred months pregnant with the twins at...
Real Talk About Baby Shower Captions and Social Media Etiquette
My mom told me to put my phone in a kitchen drawer and not post a single photo of my first pregnancy celebration because "the internet is full of weirdos." My Gen-Z cousin immediately grabbed my phone out of my...
How I Debugged The Spectacular Chaos Of Our Baby Shower Candy
I was staring at a five-pound bag of bright blue gummy pacifiers on our dining table when I realized my wife and I had completely lost our minds. We were exactly three weeks out from the party, and I was...
What To Write In A Baby Shower Book (A Letter To My Stressed Self)
Dear Sarah from six months ago, I know exactly where you're right now. You're standing in Aisle 4 of the Target on Route 9, wearing those black Lululemon leggings with the crusty strawberry yogurt stain on the left knee that...
The accidental gymnast and the gravity problem with your two-month-old
We need to talk about the biggest lie circulating in your local mom group. You know the one. You're sitting on someone's beige rug, sipping lukewarm coffee, and another mother casually drops that her eight-week-old is already rolling over. She...