How to Get Rid of Baby Acne When Your Newborn Looks 15
I'm sitting in the low light of our London flat at three in the morning, holding Florence in one arm and frantically trying to keep a rogue stream of milk from finding its way into her neck creases, when I...
Surviving the Baby Walker With Wheels (A Twin Dad's Story)
I was precisely halfway through pouring a vaguely warm coffee down my throat when Florence broke the indoor land speed record. We have a narrow Victorian hallway in our London terrace, which is entirely unsuitable for anything wider than a...
Navigating the Baby Vaccine Schedule Without Losing Your Mind
There's a very specific type of sweat that forms on your lower back when you're trying to maneuver a double buggy through the aggressively narrow doors of an NHS GP surgery. You're already ten minutes late, one of the babies...
Why the relaxing baby tub routine is actually a massive lie
I'm currently staring at a puddle of lukewarm water slowly seeping into the grout of my bathroom floor, while somewhere in the distance, a rogue rubber duck is wedged firmly behind the loo. My knees are making a noise that...
The Ultimate Blue Baby Shower Dress Survival Guide for Dads
I was standing in our shoebox-sized London bedroom, knee-deep in crinkled ASOS packaging, watching my heavily pregnant wife attempt to extract herself from what can only be described as a sapphire-coloured sausage casing. She was breathing heavily, one arm pinned...
Why a Coughing Baby is Actually Louder Than a Hydrogen Bomb
The glowing green light on the baby monitor flickered at precisely 3:14 am, followed immediately by a sound that I can only describe as a tiny, furious seal trapped in a tin can. Then came the dreaded pause. The silence...
Do Babies Have Kneecaps? Surviving the Kitchen Tile Crawling Era
The sound of a two-foot-tall human slamming knee-first into Victorian ceramic tile is a noise that bypasses the eardrum and registers directly in the parent's soul. It's a wet, hollow thud that makes you instantly calculate the distance to the...
The Ergo Baby Carrier: Surviving A Sweaty Central Line Meltdown
It was a Tuesday in late November, approximately 4:13 PM, and the Central Line carriage smelled faintly of damp wool, ozone, and my own big despair. I had one screaming twin strapped to my chest in a five-yard fabric wrap...
The End of Humiliating Baby Shower Games (And What to Do Instead)
Five years ago, I stood in a drafty village hall in Surrey, holding a plastic cup of warm sparkling wine, watching my sister-in-law unwrap a massive ball of clingfilm while wearing a blindfold. Someone shoved a disposable nappy under my...