The Truth About Gifting an October 24th Birthday Twin
My mother-in-law unzipped her floral weekender bag and pulled out a vacuum-sealed plastic pouch with the solemnity of someone handling a transplant organ. Inside was a slightly crushed, orange and black plush cat. She had spent three weeks scouring the...
Lactose Free Baby Formula: A Dad's Guide To Tummy Troubleshooting
Dear Marcus of exactly six months ago. You're currently standing in the kitchen at 3:14 AM, the rain is aggressively hitting the Portland windows, and your son is screaming in a frequency that I'm pretty sure is permanently damaging the...
What Does Baby Booster Mean? My Chaotic Guide To Seats And Sanity
Tuesday, 4:13 PM. Itβs pouring rain, my iced coffee is watering down to a depressing beige puddle in my cupholder, and I'm standing next to my Honda CR-V staring at my phone while Leo, who's four and possesses the lung...
The honest guide to personalized baby gifts
I was three days postpartum, sitting on the floor of my Chicago apartment in mesh underwear, weeping openly over a cardboard box. My aunt had sent a gift. It was a massive, aggressively pink velvet pillow, roughly the size of...
The Honest Truth About Buying a Baby Pouf for Your Nursery
Itβs 3:17 AM, and I'm physically stuck in a velvet floor cushion. My mother-in-law insisted this giant, overstuffed monstrosity was a nursery absolute necessity, and right now I'm trying to extract my left leg from its sinking depths without waking...
The Great Baby Oil Bottle Disaster: What I Actually Know Now
It's twenty past midnight, and I'm currently holding what feels exactly like a greased watermelon. Twin One (who used to be the calm one, though weβve long abandoned that classification) has just executed a flawless, aggressive barrel roll on the...
Apocalyptic Parenting: Surviving the Tuesday Dystopia
The biggest lie they peddle in those damp, aggressively brightly lit NHS antenatal classes is that the primary threat to your childβs existence is external. The cheerful woman with the laminated diagrams heavily implies that your main job as a...
Choosing a baby boy christening outfit that won't cause tears
Listen. The priest was mid-prayer when I saw the kid in the front pew start doing the neck-crane. You know the exact one. That desperate little turtle movement they do when a stiff collar is slowly restricting their airway. I've...
Why I Finally Ditched Tactical Gear for the Lark Baby Carrier
It was pouring rain in the Sainsburyβs car park, naturally. I was standing by the open boot of my estate, desperately trying to wrestle Twin A into a contraption that looked less like a parenting accessory and more like something...