Why I Stopped Forcing Aesthetic Crafts and Let My Kids Make a Mess
Dear Jess from six months ago, I'm writing to you from the future, and you need to drop the organic sweet potato puree, step away from the canvas, and take a deep breath. You're currently sitting on the kitchen floor...
Why I Googled the Brooklyn Baby Lyrics in the Minivan Today
Tuesday, 8:14 AM. I'm sitting in the school drop-off line wearing black leggings that haven't actually seen a yoga studio since approximately 2019. There's a crusty white stain on my left knee that I'm aggressively ignoring—it's either toothpaste or yogurt,...
Why Diaper Tape Fails When Your Tiny Infant Becomes A Toddler
3:14 AM. The bathroom tiles are freezing. Mark is standing there holding his phone, looking absolutely bewildered, while intense, bass-heavy Russian hip-hop blasts out of his tiny phone speaker. He was literally just trying to google "big baby tape" to...
Dear Past Jess: A Survival Guide to the Teething Phase
Dear Jess from six months ago, who's currently sitting on the living room rug, staring blankly at a mountain of tiny socks while watching your youngest child gnaw aggressively on the wooden leg of the coffee table like a feral...
The midnight triage of baby sleep and staying remotely sane
Listen. It was 3:14 AM on a Tuesday in February, and the wind was howling off Lake Michigan loudly enough to rattle the bedroom windows. I was standing in the dark, holding a screaming four-month-old at arm's length because a...
The Honest Truth About Mixing Human Kids And Baby Puppies Now
My grandmother always kept this framed cross-stitch in her kitchen of a rosy-cheeked toddler sleeping peacefully in a wicker basket with a fluffy golden retriever pup tucked right under his arm. Let me just tell y'all, that image is the...
The Honest Truth About Baby Poop (And What Is Actually Normal)
I was holding a flashlight between my teeth at 3:15 AM, trying to angle my phone camera just perfectly so I didn't get a glare off the shiny puddle of what looked like alien slime in my oldest son's diaper....
The Unfiltered Guide To Baby Names 2025 And Avoiding Regret
I was standing in the middle of a Target aisle at 8:42 PM on a Tuesday, wearing maternity sweatpants with a questionable, crusty yogurt stain on the left thigh, when my husband confidently suggested the name "Garth" for our unborn...
Why the Term Baby Momma Needs to Die (A Tired Dad's Perspective)
I'm standing in the queue at the local Tesco, holding a basket containing only industrial-strength coffee, a multipack of wet wipes, and a bottle of Calpol, when the bloke behind me decides to strike up a conversation. He's wearing sunglasses...