What Age Do Babies Start Talking? My Audio Troubleshooting Log
Yesterday, my mom texted me that I clearly said "tractor" at eight months old. This morning, the barista at our local Portland roastery informed me his daughter was speaking in full, complete sentences before her first birthday. Meanwhile, my Reddit...
A letter to myself about the absolute madness of baby cologne
Dear Tom of Six Months Ago, You're currently standing in the hallway of the semi-detached in Balham, holding a tiny, frosted glass bottle gifted by your remarkably chic European mother-in-law. You're staring at the words "Eau de Senteur" printed in...
The absolute origami nightmare of strapping on a baby carrier
I was standing in the middle of our cramped London kitchen at two in the afternoon, sweating profusely, completely tangled in eighteen feet of modal fabric. One twin was screaming from the bouncy chair on the floor, the other was...
Debugging Bath Time: My Quest for a Safe Baby Bathtub
Iβm standing over our stainless steel kitchen sink, my heart rate clocking 130 BPM on my smartwatch, holding what can only be described as a furiously squirming, soap-covered water balloon. My wife Sarah is standing exactly two feet to my...
Debugging Dinner: A Dad's Guide to Oven-Baked Baby Back Ribs
My dad told me that if I didn't cook them over hickory wood on a custom offset charcoal smoker, I was committing a culinary felony. My neighbor Dave leaned over the fence on Tuesday and insisted the only way to...
Why That 81mg Baby Aspirin Bottle Is A Massive Parenting Trap
The digital clock on the microwave read 2:14 AM, the Portland rain was actively trying to dissolve our roof, and my 11-month-old son felt exactly like a MacBook Pro rendering 4K video on your bare legs. I was frantically bouncing...
Reading the Adriana Smith Baby Update at 2 AM Broke My Brain
It was 2:14 AM, the Portland rain was actively trying to dissolve my bedroom window, and I was holding my 11-month-old son while he slept. I had convinced myself he was developing some rare respiratory bug because my data tracking...
Finding the best formula for babies: A letter to my past self
You're standing in aisle four of the Hollywood Fred Meyer, it's 2:14 AM, and the fluorescent lights are making your left eye twitch. You're holding a purple can in one hand and a gold can in the other, desperately trying...
Why putting tiny shades on twins feels like a hostage negotiation
I'm currently crouched behind the garden shed, clutching a pair of miniature, neon-pink plastic frames like they're a live grenade, trying to figure out which of my two-year-old daughters is least likely to bite me if I approach her face....