Why Your Baby's Hands Are Always Cold (And Other Tiny Mysteries)
I was standing right in the middle of the produce section at H-E-B with my oldest, violently rubbing his tiny, ice-cold purple hands between my own, completely convinced I had somehow given my two-week-old frostbite in South Texas in late...
The Great "Baby G" Trap: Gear, Gyms, and Surviving the Plastic
It was precisely 3:14 AM when my left heel made contact with something that loudly announced, in a synthesized, aggressively cheerful accent, "I'm a happy purple turtle!" This was the exact moment I realized my living room had been entirely...
Dear Past Marcus: Lil Nas X Industry Baby is Not a Nursery Song
Dear Marcus of exactly six months ago, Picture this exact scenario, because you're going to live it soon enough. You're standing in the kitchen, aggressively whisking a bottle of formula at 2:14 PM, wearing a gray t-shirt that hasn't seen...
The Truth About Madison Beer Yes Baby And Your Infant's Sleep
I was sitting in the preschool pickup line yesterday, elbow-deep in a lukewarm thermos of coffee, when the mom in the pristine white Tahoe next to me rolled her windows down and started blasting what sounded like a Miami nightclub...
The truth about rubber baby buggy bumpers and modern stroller safety
We were somewhere on Fullerton Avenue when the sidewalk just ended. It didn't taper off or gracefully transition into a crosswalk. It just turned into a crater of jagged concrete and exposed rebar, a true Chicago masterpiece. My toddler was...
What Age Do Babies Start Talking? My Audio Troubleshooting Log
Yesterday, my mom texted me that I clearly said "tractor" at eight months old. This morning, the barista at our local Portland roastery informed me his daughter was speaking in full, complete sentences before her first birthday. Meanwhile, my Reddit...
How To Raise A Baby Dolphin Without Losing Your British Mind
At exactly 6:14 AM on a bleak Tuesday, I was standing in our London kitchen trying to enforce what a very expensive hardcover parenting book called a "structured learning boundary" while Maya systematically crushed a rice cake into the tile...
Debugging The Silhouette: Why My Kid Wears Baby Doll Tops
3:14 AM. I'm holding a piece of fabric that looks like a miniature maternity dress, trying to calculate the best trajectory for pulling it over my 11-month-oldβs wildly thrashing head. It has a seam that stops abruptly right under the...
Raising Baby Chickens: A Reality Check Letter To My Past Self
There's a cardboard box vibrating in the passenger seat of my minivan, and it smells faintly of wood shavings and poor life choices. Itβs early March, raining sideways here in rural Texas, and I'm staring at the steering wheel while...