Dear Past Tom: A Warning About The Dijon Mustard Situation
Dear Past Tom, You're probably reading this while standing in the maternity ward bathroom, staring at a tiny, screaming human you met roughly four hours ago. You're holding a nappy under the harsh fluorescent light, and you're sweating. You've just...
When that angry red nappy rash is actually a fungal invasion
I was standing over the changing mat at three in the morning with Twin A, heavily sleep-deprived and holding a spatula covered in Sudocrem, when I realised the biggest lie in modern parenting is that every red bottom just needs...
Lil Baby The Leaks: Stop Diaper Blowouts (Not The Rap Album)
"Just put a rubber band around the waist," my grandmother told me over the phone while I was standing completely frozen in my living room, knee-deep in something that looked exactly like stadium mustard. "Or switch to that expensive bamboo...
Surviving The Dust Cloud: Johnson's Baby Powder & Nappy Rash
Itβs 3:14 AM on a Tuesday. The heating in our London flat is making that ominous clanking sound that usually precedes a massive repair bill, and Florence (Twin A, currently the undisputed heavyweight champion of dramatic screaming) has decided her...
The Leaks Lil Baby: Surviving The Midnight Diaper Blowouts
The smell of ammonia always hits you before the wetness does. It was three in the morning. My toddler was standing in his crib, sobbing softly, completely drenched from the ribs down. I stood there in the dark, calculating how...
What Is Baby Powder Used For Now? The Truth For Modern Parents
I was wearing this horrific floral maternity dressβthe one with the giant sunflowers that basically made me look like a walking, heavily-breathing sofa from 1993βsitting on my sisterβs beige rug opening gifts at my shower for Maya seven years ago....
Stop misusing aquaphor baby healing ointment on rashes
I slathered a thick layer of petroleum jelly onto my daughter's wet, bright red bottom at three in the morning thinking it would act like a fire blanket. I was entirely wrong. By the time the sun came up, her...
System Error: What I Wish I Knew About Newborn Diapers
Dear Marcus from eleven months ago. You're currently standing in the Target diaper aisle, holding your phone open to a highly formatted Google Sheet. You have calculated that based on an average output of 8.4 voids per day, you need...
My 3 AM Diaper Rash Disaster: The Truth About Water Wipes Baby Care
It's 3:17 AM. My oldest son, Jacksonβwho's basically my walking, talking cautionary tale at this pointβis screaming so loud I'm pretty sure the cows in the pasture next door are waking up. I've got him pinned down on the changing...