The Baphi Baby Search Incident: Why I Threw Our iPad Away
I was up to my elbows in raw chicken and breadcrumbs when I heard it. That specific, slightly robotic chime of the voice-assistant activating on the family iPad that my three-year-old had dragged into the kitchen. I didn't think much...
Why I Threw Out the iPad: Real Talk on Baby Screen Time Limits
I was packing up three Etsy orders for custom birth announcement signs, trying to balance my phone on my knee, and completely failing to ignore my youngest baby screaming for his morning nap. I had this grand idea to find...
The Ugly Truth About Baby Yarn: What I Actually Learned the Hard Way
I'm sitting on the floor of my oldest boy's nursery at two in the morning, practically cross-eyed under the glow of a cheap ring light I bought for my Etsy shop, trying to use a pair of cosmetic tweezers to...
The terrifying physics of your first garden baby swing setup
I'm standing in our damp, aggressively overgrown London garden, holding twenty feet of braided nylon rope and staring at a branch on our neighbor's encroaching oak tree, while Florenceβwho's supposed to be sitting quietly on a blanketβattempts to eat a...
Why parents who try to watch baby driver get weird search results
My mom called on a Tuesday to say I needed to buy a "baby driver" immediately because that's supposedly how I learned to walk in 1993. Four hours later, my frontend lead Slacked me a link saying I had to...
What the Baby Boom Generation Actually Got Right About Parenting
I was sitting on the edge of the guest bathroom bathtub at 3:17 AM in a pair of gray college sweatpants that smelled vaguely like sour milk and desperation, crying over an Excel spreadsheet. Literally. I was aggressively typing Maya's...
The Real Rubber Baby Buggy Bumper Meaning (And Why We Care)
When Leo was about two and a half, his vocabulary basically consisted of "no," "dog," and this aggressive grunting noise that meant he wanted more goldfish crackers. I was obviously losing my mind about it. So I'm standing in the...
The Real Baby Mama Cast: Surviving Postpartum Without Hollywood
It's 3:14 in the morning. You're covered in sour milk, eating a piece of cold toast over the kitchen sink, and watching a rerun of some mid-2000s comedy on cable. The one with the famous comedic actresses. You look at...
The Baby Alien Fanbus Search That Completely Broke My Parent Brain
It was 2:14 in the freaking morning on a Tuesday, and I was sitting on our violently uncomfortable beige sectional wearing sweatpants that literally still had a crusty patch of Leoβs spit-up from circa 2020 on the left thigh. Maya,...