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Hacking The System: Why A Walmart Baby Registry Actually Makes Sense
Sitting at my kitchen island at 11 PM, my wife Sarah and I were staring at a beautifully curated, ultra-minimalist single gift list on a boutique website. The screen was filled with $140 organic linen wipe warmers and hand-carved Swedish...
The day I thought a rap star was a Scandinavian stroller
Tuesday, 4:15 PM. The rain is violently attacking our living room windows and I'm wearing a pair of black maternity leggings that haven't seen the inside of a washing machine since the Obama administration. I'm holding my third lukewarm coffee...
Bringing Your Newborn Home Without Losing Your Mind
I was wedged between a breast pump box and a diaper bag in the back of my husband's F-150, clutching the plastic handle of the infant carrier like we were off-roading, even though he was driving twelve miles an hour...
Why I Totally Regret Boycotting the Baby Changing Table Setup
It's 4:12 AM. Maya is exactly four weeks old, and I'm on my knees on a faux-flokati rug from Target that I previously thought was, like, incredibly chic. Mustard-yellow newborn poop is currently seeping into the synthetic fibers while I...
Surviving The 3 AM Pacing Routine With A New Baby Bjorn Carrier
I'm swaying in front of the microwave. The glowing green clock says 3:14 AM, and I'm currently wearing my husband Dave's stained college fraternity t-shirt, which smells faintly of old milk and desperation. Leo is exactly three weeks old, and...
Surviving Twins with the Baby Brezza Formula Pro Countertop Robot
There's a very specific type of panic that sets in at 3:14 AM when you realise the expensive countertop milk robot you bought to save your sanity might actually be watering down your babies' food. I was standing in the...
Solly Baby Wrap Setup: A Dad's Guide to Not Dropping the Kid
It was raining, because it's always raining in Portland, and I was standing next to my Subaru holding a screaming eight-pound potato while seventeen feet of buttery soft fabric aggressively soaked up a puddle of dirty rainwater. My wife watched...
The Real Shiva Baby Dilemma: Taking Infants to Solemn Events
"Leave 'em at the house," my grandma told me over the phone, her voice crackling through the spotty rural Texas cell service. "Take them, babies represent the circle of life!" my mother-in-law insisted the very next day while aggressively shoving...
How A Mountain Of Baby Bjorn Gear Saved My Sanity With Twins
It was half-past three in the morning on day four of twin parenthood, and I was trying to eat a piece of cold toast while balancing one screaming infant on my left forearm and another on my right knee. My...