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The Brutal Truth About H&M Sizing and My Fast Fashion Paradox
I was literally sitting on the floor of Mayaβs nursery, which was painted this exact shade of sage green that I spent three weeks hyper-fixating on during my third trimester, crying over a tiny beige cardigan. She was maybe eight...
The Absurd Quest for Baby Boy Names Unique Enough Not to Be Steve
My mother-in-law cornered me by the kettle at week twelve of the pregnancy to insist that strong, traditional English names like Arthur or George were the only guaranteed way to prevent a child from a life of petty criminality, while...
Debugging The Complete System Failure Of Dressing A Baby Boy
I'm currently staring at a pair of dark wash, rigid denim jeans in size 9-12 months. My son is actively executing a perfect alligator death roll on the changing pad, and I'm supposed to somehow force his chaotic, rapidly expanding...
Decoding baby names for boys: A dad's naming algorithm
Line 74 of my Google Sheet was flashing neon green. I'd written a custom script to highlight any moniker with a standard deviation of less than 5% in popularity over the last decade, filtering out anything that spiked due to...
Why Searching For A Baby Boy Movie Is A Terrible Weekend Idea
It was 6:14 AM on a Sunday, the coffee hasn't kicked in, and my 11-month-old son was aggressively trying to dismantle the living room router. I just wanted twenty minutes of peace. I grabbed the Apple TV remote, typed "baby...
A Letter to Past Me About The Baby Boy Cast (And Pee Fountains)
Hey man. It's you from six months in the future. You're currently sitting in room 3 at the pediatric orthopedist in downtown Portland, sweating straight through your flannel shirt, watching a technician wrap your five-month-old's lower half in what looks...
The baby Saja aesthetic versus the reality of my screaming twins
It was 4:12 AM, the bluish light of my phone illuminating a half-eaten Hobnob on my bedside table, when I fully lost my grip on reality. One of the twinsβI honestly couldn't tell you which one in the dark, but...
Raising A Baby Boy: Surviving The Chaos And Finding Cute Clothes
When I was eight months pregnant with my oldestβthe child who's now officially my daily cautionary taleβI got three distinct pieces of advice in the span of one afternoon. The lady at the post office told me boys are emotionally...
Toddler Sweaters Boy Edition: What Actually Works for Winter
My mother-in-law told me to put three layers of thick wool on him or his lungs would freeze the second we stepped onto the Chicago pavement. The moms in my playgroup swore by fifty-dollar beige cashmere rollnecks that require dry...