The ugly truth about that cute baby pool float you just bought
My sister-in-law's backyard in Naperville smells intensely of expensive mineral sunscreen and chlorine. It's mid-July, the humidity is oppressive, and I'm standing at the edge of the water holding a thrashing nine-month-old. My mother-in-law is hovering nearby, aggressively trying to...
Why Feeding A Baby Peach Slices Is A Messy Physics Experiment
I'm currently staring at an orange, sticky smear on our kitchen ceiling. I don't know the exact trajectory it took to get up there, but I know the source, and I'm honestly impressed by the velocity. My wife Sarah and...
The Great Toddler Escape and Why Door Safety Is So Controversial
My mother-in-law told me to just flip the lock on my toddler's bedroom door around so it secures from the outside. A mom in my local Chicago Facebook group said locking a child in their room is literal abuse and...
Dear Past Priya: The Real Truth About Baby Steps Mods & Gear
Dear Priya of six months ago. You're currently sitting on the faded rug in our Chicago apartment, staring at the sharp edge of the West Elm coffee table. You're entirely convinced it's a lethal weapon. Your nine-month-old son just pulled...
Why trying to rush your infant into walking usually backfires
My mother-in-law was holding a samosa in one hand and pointing at my ten-month-old with the other. We were at a Diwali party in Naperville, surrounded by people I see exactly twice a year. Sangeeta's boy is already running, she...
The Real Baby Traps (And Why I Googled Billionaires At 3 AM)
Last Tuesday at 2:14 AM, I found myself trying to gently fold my sonβs thigh like a piece of origami just to get it out from between the wooden bars of his crib. Baby T had managed to wedge his...
My Humiliating Physics Lesson on Staircase Barriers
I was standing at the top of our fourteen-step Portland craftsman staircase holding a plastic tension rod barrier, a laser level, and a completely false sense of confidence. My wife, Sarah, paused on her way to the kitchen, shifting our...
The real truth about baby food pouches and picky eating
My mother-in-law told me I need to boil and blend organic root vegetables until my kitchen looks like a nineteenth-century apothecary. The guy ahead of me at our Portland neighborhood coffee shop loudly proclaimed that purees destroy a baby's jaw...
Unboxing baby dolls that look real: A first-time dad's survival guide
The box cutter sliced through the packing tape at exactly 7:42 PM on a Tuesday. I peeled back the layers of tissue paper, fully expecting a wooden puzzle or maybe some harmless stacking blocks from my wife's aunt. Instead, I...