Magazine
Feeding Your Baby Salmon: The Bones, The Smell, The Absolute Mess
It was a Tuesday around 6:15 PM, and I was wearing my one good silk shirt. Why I was wearing a dry-clean-only Madewell top in my own kitchen while feeding a six-month-old is a mystery that I'll take to my...
The Late-Night Reality of Setting Up That Baby Miko Robot
It's 11 PM on a Tuesday. I'm sitting cross-legged on my living room rug, holding a microscopic reset pin, violently whispering at a plastic screen that keeps telling me it's thinking. My toddler is asleep in the next room, completely...
Brilliant Baby Shower Game Ideas That Won't Make Guests Flee
I'm sitting on a terribly uncomfortable velvet pouf in a semi-detached house in Richmond, watching my wifeβwho's thirty-four weeks pregnant with twins and currently harboring the pelvic stability of a Jenga tower in an earthquakeβpretend she enjoys sniffing a nappy...
Transporting a Three-Tier Boho Frosting Tower on I-5 at 15 MPH
The suspension on a 2016 Subaru Outback is surprisingly unforgiving when you've forty pounds of Swiss meringue buttercream buckled into the passenger seat. I was driving fifteen miles per hour down the shoulder of I-5 with my hazard lights flashing,...
The brutal truth about buying baby boy shoes for early walkers
My mother-in-law showed up on a Tuesday with stiff leather high-tops because she said my son's ankles were going to collapse without support. An hour later, a mom influencer on my feed claimed that putting anything other than raw, unbleached...
The Baby Shark Song Lyrics Broke My Brain (A Dad's Log)
The dashboard clock of my Subaru says 3:14 AM. I'm driving aimlessly down I-84 in the pouring Portland rain, the heater blasting a smell of stale coffee and desperation. The only thing keeping the 11-month-old in the backseat from initiating...
Surviving the Meltdown: How a Baby Shark PNG Saved My Sanity
The spaghetti water is foaming over the edge of the pot, the dog is rage-barking at the UPS guy, and my three-year-old is lying face-down on the kitchen linoleum. I'm standing there with a wooden spoon in one hand and...
The 2 AM Meltdown Over A Toddler Shark Birthday Cake
Blue gel food coloring doesn't wash off human skin. It bonds to your cuticles on a cellular level and stays there for a week. I learned this at two in the morning on a Thursday, staring down a very deformed,...
The Real Baby Series of Milestones Nobody Warns You About
It's 6:42 AM and I just deeply punctured my left heel on a plastic high chair the size of a thimble. My oldest daughter, bless her heart, left it right outside the bathroom door where I'd blindly step on it....