The Truth About Baby Sleepwear When Everyone Has an Opinion
"Put a hat on him, he's freezing," my mother-in-law said, handing me a knit cap that looked like an oversized acorn. This was at 2 PM. At 4 PM, my lactation consultant visited, took one look at Leo swaddled in...
When Does a Baby Have a Heartbeat? The Real Truth From a Mom
I'm sitting on the cold bathroom tile at two in the morning, seven-ish weeks pregnant with my oldest son, covered in cheap aloe vera gel I panic-bought on Amazon. I'm aggressively jabbing a forty-dollar plastic at-home fetal doppler into my...
Why I Completely Surrendered to the Fisher-Price Baby Era
It's 4:17 in the morning, and my bare foot has just made solid, agonising contact with the Smart Stages Puppy in the dark hallway. Without warning, an aggressively cheerful, synthetic voice belts out, "I SEE YOU!" followed immediately by that...
Did Rihanna Have Her Baby? A Dad's Take on Celebrity Parenting
It was 2:14 AM, the Portland rain was actively trying to breach my window seals, and my eleven-month-old was staring at the ceiling fan like it held the secrets to the universe. We were deep in the middle of some...
The Hilarious Truth About Baby Vans: Stiff Shoes & Sprinter Dreams
It was a Tuesday at precisely 10:14 AM. I was wearing leggings that definitely had dried sweet potato puree encrusted on the left thigh, clutching my third iced oat milk latte of the week. Leo was about eight months old,...
Why your baby hates bath time and the truth about baby towels
My mother told me to just wrap him in one of our old faded bath sheets because they're the softest things in the house. The lactation consultant at the clinic said I should only use pure woven muslin imported from...
Writing baby shower wishes that will not make parents roll their eyes
I'm sitting cross-legged on my faded Chicago apartment rug right now. My toddler is methodically dismantling a cardboard box in the corner, looking for a stale Cheerio I know he dropped three days ago. I'm holding a stack of heavy...
The Bizarre Kat Timpf Baby Name Rumor & Our Naming Panic
You're currently staring at cell C42 on the "Child_Identifier_v3.xlsx" spreadsheet, blinking through the burn of blue light at 2:14 AM while your five-month-old aggressively tries to eat his own foot in the bassinet beside you. You've gone so far down...
The Great Naked Baby Rebellion: Surviving Twin Toddler Nudity
It's 7:14 AM, and the unmistakable sound of bare feet slapping against the cold hardwood floor echoes down the hallway. I'm standing near the radiator holding a pair of tiny corduroy trousers that cost more than my first car, watching...