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What a Teen Pop Anthem Taught Me About Raising Kids
"Alexa, volume ten!" Those were the words that completely shattered my peaceful Tuesday morning while I was wrist-deep in sorting out a laundry basket full of crusty toddler socks. My oldest boy, Hunter, who's currently serving as my daily cautionary...
Why Most "Educational" Toys Are Just Overpriced Plastic
I'm currently staring down a plastic monstrosity that speaks three languages, flashes like a discount Vegas casino, and cost my mother-in-law forty-five dollars. It has a giant sticker on the box screaming that it'll teach my baby geometry, and let...
Raising Kids With True Grit: A Normal Momβs Take on Nepotism Babies
Three years ago, I marched right into the office of our local Methodist preschool, smiled at the director, and shamelessly dropped my grandmotherβs name to bump my oldest kid to the top of their two-year-long waitlist. I didn't even blink....
Lil Baby Harvard: Raising a tiny genius without losing your mind
Within forty-eight hours of bringing the twins home, I received three distinct pieces of unsolicited advice regarding their future intellectual dominance. My mother-in-law arrived with a set of high-contrast Mandarin flashcards (I speak passable French; my wife speaks sarcasm). Our...
The Truth About the Digital Dinosaur Taking Over My Living Room
It's 6:15 AM on a Tuesday. I'm standing in the kitchen wearing Dave's old college sweatpantsβthe grey ones with a literal hole in the left kneeβand holding my third cup of coffee, which is already lukewarm. Leo, my four-year-old, is...
The Cocomelon baby shark meltdown and how we survived
It was a Tuesday at 5:15 PM, which in a Chicago November means it had been pitch black outside for an hour. I was standing in my kitchen, staring at an unpeeled onion, trying to figure out how to cook...
A Letter To Past Me: That Cry Baby Movie Was A Huge Mistake!
Dear Sarah from exactly six months ago, Right now you're standing in the kitchen. It's exactly 6:14 AM on a Tuesday, and you're wearing those awful gray maternity sweatpantsβyes, the ones with the mysterious bleach stain on the left thigh...
The Ugly Truth About Those Viral Baby Hazel Games
It was 4:13 PM on a Tuesday and I was wearing my husband Daveβs oversized college hoodie that smelled faintly of old garlic, holding a lukewarm mug of French roast that I had already microwaved three separate times. I was...
Why The Sore Loser Baby Phase Feels Like A Fatal System Error
7:14 PM. The structural integrity of the three-block tower has failed. My 11-month-old son, Leo, is staring at the fallen soft rubber cubes like they just insulted his ancestors. His face turns the color of a locally sourced Portland beet,...