Why the Puffy Baby Snowsuit is a Hardware Flaw
I'm currently staring at a photograph of my son from roughly two months ago. He looks like a deeply unhappy neon blue marshmallow. We were trying to leave our Portland apartment for a walk in forty-degree drizzle, and my wife...
The reality of matching mom and son baby clothes without the cringe
Before my son arrived, three different women cornered me with wardrobe advice. My mother-in-law insisted I needed tiny, rigid denim trousers for him, as if a newborn has business meetings to attend. A senior nurse on my floor told me...
Dear Past Jess: That Baby Pink Bell Sleeve Turtle Neck Dress Is Bad
Dear Jess from October. It's me, Jess from April. You're currently standing in the Target parking lot with three kids sweating in the backseat, staring at your phone, about to hit 'buy' on that trendy boutique website. I need you...
The 3AM Nappy Change That Made Me Believe in Baby Gowns
It's 03:14 on a Tuesday, and I'm quietly crying. Not the majestic, single-tear-rolling-down-the-cheek crying you see in cinema, but the silent, pathetic, shoulder-heaving sort. I'm kneeling on the floor of our cramped London nursery, holding my breath, trying to align...
Choosing a baby boy christening outfit that won't cause tears
Listen. The priest was mid-prayer when I saw the kid in the front pew start doing the neck-crane. You know the exact one. That desperate little turtle movement they do when a stiff collar is slowly restricting their airway. I've...
Surviving the 3 AM Nappy Change: A Guide to Magnetic Clothing
Whatever you do, please don't buy the thirty-pack of traditional popper-fastened sleepsuits just because they look like a spectacular bargain on the internet. I did this. I thought I was being incredibly clever, outsmarting the entire infant apparel industry by...
Finding the best evo baby dragon deck (When you thought it was a toy)
Standing in my kitchen at 2 AM, waiting for the bottle warmer to hit exactly 98.6 degrees, I got a text from my 12-year-old nephew asking if I could Apple Pay him five bucks so he could finish building the...
How to Pick a Baby Boy Baptism Outfit for a Catholic Church
Father Michael is speaking at length about the concept of original sin, but I'm entirely focused on preventing my two-year-old daughter, Florence, from eating a laminated hymn book. In the pew ahead of me, my sister is holding my six-month-old...
A Letter to Myself About the Absurdity of Smocked Baby Clothes
Dear Tom of six months ago. I know exactly where you're right now. You're standing in the upstairs bathroom at your mother-in-law's house, holding Maya at arm's length over the porcelain sink. You're staring at a Β£75 hand-smocked, pale blue...