Magazine
Raising a Baby Queen: The Brutal Truth About Royal Parenting
At precisely 4:12 on a Tuesday morning, I found myself executing a deep, entirely unironic bow to a person who had just soiled herself up to the shoulder blades. My mother-in-law had visited the day before, bearing a rhinestone-encrusted tiara...
Why Every Mom is Obsessed With the Baby Pygmy Hippo
I was sitting on my living room floor at 2:14 AM last Tuesday, surrounded by half-folded shipping boxes for my Etsy shop, nursing my youngest, and watching a video of a baby pygmy hippo aggressively gumming a zookeeper's knee. And...
A Letter to Myself Before Buying That Baby Push Walker
Dear Priya from six months ago. You're standing in aisle fourteen of the Target in River North, staring at a plastic contraption that plays the alphabet in three different languages. Your coffee is ice cold. Your baby is nine months...
The Unfiltered Reality of Raising a Baby and a Puppy at the Same Time
I was sitting flat on the cold kitchen linoleum at three in the morning, nursing a highly irritable four-month-old on my left side, while a ten-week-old golden retriever mix actively tried to swallow the fuzzy pom-pom off my right slipper....
Debugging The Baby Pumpkin Costume: A First-Time Dad's Guide
The internal temperature of a synthetic plush gourd is roughly equivalent to the surface of the sun. I'm holding a screaming, bright orange sphere in the middle of a muddy Portland farm, desperately trying to find a zipper that apparently...
The Absolute Worst Night I Tried Roasting Baby Potatoes
I'm standing there holding a wooden spoon like some kind of medieval weapon, and it's exactly 6:18 PM on a Tuesday. The kind of Tuesday that feels like it's been going on for fourteen actual years. I'm wearing my husband's...
The Truth About Air Fryer Baby Potatoes (Before and After Kids)
"Mummy, hot!" screams Twin A, pointing an accusatory sticky finger at the sleek black monstrosity occupying half our kitchen worktop. It's 5:14 PM. The witching hour. My wife is not home from work yet, I'm wearing a t-shirt that smells...
The Terrifying Truth About Innocent Kids' Searches
I was sitting on the floor of my laundry room yesterday, using a baby wipe to scrape dried oatmeal off my five-year-oldβs hand-me-down tablet. I turned it on just to check the battery, swiped over to the browser he uses...
Decoding The Baby Poop Chart By Age (Without Losing Your Mind)
I'm standing in the nursery, holding my phone flashlight in my mouth, wearing a nursing tank that smells violently like sour milk and desperation, staring into the dark, terrifying depths of my newborn daughter Mayaβs diaper. It's 3:14 AM. The...