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The Baby of the Year Contest Reality Check No One Gives You
My husband just walked into the kitchen and caught me hunched over my laptop like a sleep-deprived gargoyle, intensely scrolling through the baby of the year 2024 contestants pictures. I had half-drunk, room-temperature coffee dribbling down the front of my...
Why The Whole Infant Octopus Trend Almost Broke My Mama Sanity
I was standing at my kitchen island at 2:00 PM on a Tuesday, poking a slick, purple tentacle with a pair of tongs, questioning every life choice that had led me to this moment. My oldest son, Liam, was fourteen...
The Complete Chaos of Baby Lyrics and What Actually Soothes Them
My mother-in-law cornered me in the hospital recovery room to insist I strictly sing classical raagas if I wanted a smart child. Twelve hours later, the night nurse doing my vitals told me to skip singing entirely and just use...
The Truth About Buying a Baby Lion Costume for Your Kid
I was sitting in the third row of my Honda Odyssey in a Target parking lot, sweating through my favorite t-shirt, trying to peel my screaming six-month-old out of a baby lion costume that seemed to be actively melting into...
The Baby Giraffe Metaphor That Completely Changed My Motherhood
I was exactly 34 weeks pregnant with Maya, wearing these black maternity leggings that had a crusty, highly suspicious patch of dried Greek yogurt on the left thigh, standing in the middle of a big-box baby store just absolutely weeping...
That Time a Baby Fox Invaded Our Garden (And Teething Saved Us)
It was 6:13 AM on a Tuesday, and I was standing in the kitchen wearing one sock, watching my daughter aggressively gnaw on the corner of our faux-mid-century sideboard like a starved termite. I glanced out the glass doors hoping...
The Great Puree Panic: Confessions From A Splattered Kitchen
There's currently a perfectly symmetrical, brilliantly orange splatter of sweet potato puree cooling on my left eyelid. It's Sunday at four in the afternoon, the sky over London has already surrendered to that bleak, bruised-plum colour of mid-winter, and I'm...
Why Baby Face Nelson Has Nothing on My Toddler
It's 4:17 in the morning, and the glowing screen of my phone is illuminating half of my face while the other half is being rhythmically kicked by a two-year-old foot. I'm frantically trying to Google why one of my twin...
Surviving the baby dragon phase and other midnight disasters
Itβs 4:12 AM in our London flat, and Florence is standing upright in her cot, gripping the wooden bars like a tiny, furious inmate, screaming for a mythical reptile. Matilda, her twin, is entirely asleep but sporadically kicking the plaster...