The Kitchen Island Incident: Rethinking the Baby Floor Seat
It was 2:14 PM on a Tuesday. I had a P1 server outage flashing red on my left monitor, lukewarm cold brew in my system, and a 4.5-month-old stationed on the kitchen island right next to my keyboard. I had...
Audio Specs: Finding a Babys Drum Kit Without Losing Your Mind
My mom told me I needed to buy a five-piece acoustic junior set immediately to "build his latent musical genius," which is a wildly optimistic read on a kid who currently eats old Cheerios off the floor. My neighbor, who...
The Real Truth About The Baby Whisper Co Travel Potty On Road Trips
I was standing in the blistering July heat at a Texas rest stop on I-35, holding my screaming oldest child suspended over a patch of dying grass because he absolutely refused to step foot inside the brick building behind us....
Decoding What to Wear to a Baby Shower Without Losing Your Mind
I'm currently standing in my bedroom, holding my 11-month-old daughter who's actively trying to unbuckle my smartwatch with her single newly-erupted tooth, while watching my wife pull her seventh floral midi dress out of the closet. Our bed looks like...
Dear past Jess: Put the eucalyptus baby blue plant down now
Dear Jess from six months ago. You're currently standing in the floral section at H-E-B, balancing a squirming six-month-old on your hip while your toddler tries to systematically crush every bag of tortilla chips in the next aisle. You look...
Late Night Lullabies: Its All Over Now Baby Blue Chords & The Blues
When we brought my oldest son home from the hospital, my mom immediately told me to put him in his crib, shut the heavy wooden door, and let his lungs develop by crying it out. Bless her heart, she survived...
Before and After: Smoking Baby Back Ribs With An 11-Month-Old
It's 6:14 AM on a damp Portland Saturday, exactly 43.7 degrees outside, and I'm standing on my patio holding a squirming eleven-month-old in my left arm and a slippery rack of raw pork in my right. I'm staring at the...
The Absolute Absurdity of the Baby Doll Carrier (And Why We Own Two)
My mother-in-law firmly believes that giving a two-year-old their own miniature baby wearing apparatus is mildly ridiculous and encourages them to grow up entirely too fast. The woman at our Tuesday morning playgroupβwho wears floor-length unbleached linen in the dead...
Lord Baby Runs a Romance Fantasy With Cash 92 vs. My Twins
The digital clock on the nursery wall glared at me: 3:14 AM. The room smelled distinctly of stale Calpol and desperation. In the left cot, Evie was violently chewing the wooden bars like a tiny, furious beaver. In the right...