Why I Applied Chinese Baby Traditions to My British Twins
It was 9:47 PM on a Tuesday, roughly four months before our lives permanently imploded, when my wifeβwho was at that point roughly the size and shape of a medium family carβaggressively tapped her phone screen and demanded I calculate...
The midnight triage of baby sleep and staying remotely sane
Listen. It was 3:14 AM on a Tuesday in February, and the wind was howling off Lake Michigan loudly enough to rattle the bedroom windows. I was standing in the dark, holding a screaming four-month-old at arm's length because a...
Why Baby Shower Bingo Actually Saves the Entire Gift Opening Hour
"Don't do games, they're for basic bitches," my sister-in-law hissed at me across a lukewarm plate of mini quiches while balancing a mimosa on her hip. Then my mother leaned in, smelling heavily of Chanel No. 5 and unsolicited judgment,...
Real Baby Rash Types With Pictures So You Can Stop Panicking
It was 2:14 AM and I was sitting on the edge of the nursery glider in Daveβs stained Villanova hoodie, completely paralyzed by fear, holding my iPhone flashlight about a quarter-inch from my three-week-old sonβs cheek. Leo was fast asleep,...
The Baby PNG Trap: Surviving Aesthetic Nursery Design Nightmares
It's 3:14 AM, the rain is lashing against the single-glazed window of our Victorian terrace, and I'm desperately trying to operate a trackpad with my left elbow. One twin (letβs call her M) is draped across my chest, leaking a...
Baby Pips & Blowouts: The Honest Newborn Prep Letter I Needed
I'm sitting on the icy tile of our tiny upstairs bathroom. It's 3:17 AM. I know the exact time because the harsh blue light of my phone is the only thing illuminating the dark, and I'm wearing my husband Dave's...
Decoding Your Infant's Pink Fingernails (And Surviving Trim Time)
I was sitting on the floor of my nursery at 3:00 AM with my oldest son, Jackson, sweating right through my maternity pajamas and holding a pair of baby clippers like I was trying to defuse a bomb. He was...
Why the baby pink hex code is a total scam for your nursery
I was standing in the middle of the paint aisle at a home improvement store, thirty-eight weeks pregnant and sweating through my maternity leggings. I held forty-two different swatch cards that all claimed to be the definitive pastel blush. My...
The Absolute Mess of Dressing an Infant in a Baby Pink Dress
I'm sitting in the back pew of a Baptist church in the dead heat of a Texas July, sweating right through my own linen top, while my six-month-old daughter screams bloody murder. It was 2019, my oldest was my guinea...