The Double Panic of Baby Sitting Milestones and Caregivers
I was standing in the Target checkout line holding a massive iced coffee—the kind that's mostly whole milk and regret, honestly—when my mother-in-law texted me out of nowhere. She said I absolutely needed to prop four-month-old Leo up with couch...
Dear Past Me: The Baby Sonic Toothbrush Wars Will Break You
Dear Tom of six months ago, It's currently Tuesday evening, and you're sitting on the cold, damp tiles of the family bathroom. You have a standard-issue manual infant toothbrush clutched in your sweating right hand, while your twin daughters have...
Dear Past Sarah: Everything To Know About The Baby Whale Phase
Dear Sarah of exactly six months ago, You're currently hiding in the downstairs half-bath. I know this because I remember the exact smell of the lavender air freshener you're stress-spraying, and I know you're wearing those black Lululemon leggings with...
The Midnight Delusion of Finding a Flawless Baby Gender Predictor
It's 2:14 in the morning, and I'm standing in our freezing London kitchen dangling my wife's wedding ring on a piece of mint-flavored dental floss over her slightly convex stomach. She is entirely ignoring me, aggressively eating pickled onions straight...
My Chicago Winter Blowout and the Perfect Onesies Baby
It was two in the morning inside the Northwestern Memorial Hospital parking garage in late January. The wind off Lake Michigan was doing that thing where it physically hurts your face. My daughter, then six weeks old, had just weaponized...
Surviving the first weeks with your new baby without losing it
I was sitting in the passenger seat of our Honda CR-V on top of a literal ice pack, staring at the mirror angled toward the car seat in the back. My husband was driving ten miles under the speed limit...
What That Weird Jelly Slime and Mucus in Baby Poop Really Means
I was standing in the family restroom at Target, balancing a lukewarm iced coffee on the edge of the changing table, staring down at a diaper that looked, for lack of a better description, like a ghost had sneezed in...
Why Ms Rachel Works Like a Glitch in My Baby's Brain
The production database locked up at exactly 4:13 PM on a Tuesday, which was incidentally the exact moment my eleven-month-old decided his incoming lateral incisor required a decibel level usually reserved for jet engine testing. Outside, the Portland rain was...
Dear Past Me: What Pete Davidson Actually Got Right About Newborns
Dear Sarah from six months ago, You're currently sitting in the Target parking lot in your embarrassingly stained yoga pants, drinking a lukewarm latte and having a full-blown panic attack. Your best friend just texted that she's officially going into...